OHHH MY GOOOOD!! I screwed up big time - I screwed everything - I cannot believe I did that!!! I am so upset with myself! It is that thing that she didn't send the divorce papers! I was also feeling so bad because of the call. I don't know.... I went to W and asked her to stop the relation with OM - NOW - and start working on our marriege - she said HELL NO - I got upset - I said SHE HAS TO - that she is never going to be happy with OM - she said "Says who?" I did everything wrong - I felt so desperate - she said she is going to send the papers today - and she will - I asked her if she loves OM and she said she is not going to answer that. We fought an hour and half! - I begged her to reconsider - I told her that she is in a fantasy world - Oh my.... I did EVERYTHING WRONG!!! - I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT!!! It is like I got DR book and did EXACTLY the opposite. That's it - I am dust - I am MAD at myself - Exactly now - when there was this tiny little opening, I got so exited and I ruined it - WHY I COULD NOT BE PATIENT!!! I hate myself right now.
