Too late for DB, thread 7

[cw68]

Hey, how 'bout that, I actually got off and stayed off. Watched some "House Hunters Int'l," read and did some crossword puzzles. Sleep like a baby, too. I may be on to something here.

OK, took my second dose of medication a little while ago. I have to say that yesterday it did seem like things were a little less "noisy" inside my own head. We'll see if today's the same way. I think next week will be the big test, I'll see if I can actually plow through some to dos on my long to do list. It was always long enough, but taking care of this big house by myself is getting to me.

Which brings me to a little journaling... I don't really like my house. I liked it when we all lived here, but never really loved it. I loved our last house. Loved it with a passion. But we moved from it because it only had one small bathroom and to move closer to where my H worked. The idea behind it was more family time, less commute/gas and H loves big houses. Now I'm in a 2500+ 4/3 by myself with two small kids. It's too much room. It's too much to clean (nine freaking sinks! We had two at the old house.), it's just too much. The yard isn't too big, but I have to admit I hate mowing. We always split the yard work and it made it fun and easy. Our soil is clay and granite, so it's not easy to work with. There are at least seven bushes that need to be removed and I simply cannot do it myself. I don't know whether to ask H to come over and do it or find some handyman/teenager to do it for me.

If hell freezes over and we get back together, we'll be in this house for a while. If we sell it, would lose a fair amount of money between market drop and realtor fees. I'm OK with that, though it's not my dream home. The one, and only, bright spot of us divorcing is selling the house. I'd love to.

H and I disagree on this point. He thinks I should try to hold on to it as long as I can. He said I can have whatever profits we walk away with 100% and I don't think it's because of guilt. Part of it, sure, but I have been the one to find houses with good bones to fix and sell a few years later. I always said that was the income I brought to our relationship. But I don't want to try to struggle to make the monthly payments. I need to be able to save money, invest money and the like. H thinks we should keep the kids' home for them as long as possible. (Then don't do this!) I'm not going to move them from their district, and most likely not even the school, and the home is where the heart is.