If I may...I have been reading your posts and I have a suggestion that actually worked for me.
My H and I were doing well, and I backslid. We had a huge blowout about a week and a half ago. It was ugly, and he said the "D" word.
I didn't speak to him for a week. I just let him go, and let him be angry. I didn't text, didn't email anything other than our financial record, no R talk at all. I just let it be.
It was very hard, and I cried alot. My H accused me of being controlling (true) and I realized it after he said it. I promised myself that if I got the second chance, I would not be the same person. And I waited.
Yesterday, he did call. I had ordered a new cell phone, and emailed him to let him know he could either leave it on my front porch, in my mailbox, or I could pick it up from his front porch. He opted to bring it to me. I went to meet him out at the car so he wouldn't have to come in. He came in anyway. I kept conversation light, joking, and no R talk. None. Zip. Nada. He only stayed for ten minutes. I did ask for a hug, and got one. Now the kicker with that is that usually he hugs me with one arm pat on the back, last night it was a two armed hug. Now, I am not reading too much into it, and have opted to continue to back off so he can figure out what he wants instead of me telling him what he wants.
If I may suggest, back off. Let him be mad, let him be sad, whatever. At some point in all of our lives, we get this angry frustrated feeling that no one else can help us with. The more the other person pushes, the more the pushee runs. I have been on both ends of the spectrum, and it is very hard. You love this person and you can't understand why they walk away. Patience is the key. I have none, so I have learned massive lessons in patience. Let him go for now.
When I feel the need to contact, I send an email to my H, but email it to myself. I started doing it yesterday and it was great because not only did I say what I needed to say, I didn't have to worry about a response. I didn't have to worry that I said something to offend, because it came to me. It does take the pressure off
(((Lady))) Just breath.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
