Hi Jane..

No, I wasnt implying since they arent your biological children that you dont matter.

But I was trying to share how your opinion of the priorities was the same one I had before I had a child of my own.

He may have created you to be someone who is competing with his children (in his mind). You may be very supportive of the time he spends with them and thats great. But when you tell him you feel your marriage comes 1st, children come 2nd.

What I believe he hear from that is "I need to be more important to you than your children"

even if thats not what you meant. That might be what he hears anyways. And if its a "me or them" kinda thing in his mind, you will lose

When the kids are out of the house, I agree with you, there is no reason that cannot be 'your' time for you as a couple.

But if he is carrying a resentment that he believes you wish to be #1 before his own children....that would be tough to drop even when the kids arent in the home.


Me: 37
Wife: 40
Son: 7yo
Son: 18 mo
Bomb: 12/31/07
Status: Reconciled 1/2009 but backsliding terribly right now