Frankly, you're not gettin' it. Within 24 hours of seeing those TMs, you're having serving up yet more cake to your wife. You can do what you want, but until you pull back the emotional support rug from under her, she will never have to face her crucible.
The purpose of intel is to give you a clear picture of the truth of what's going on, so you can set out an effective plan to deal with it. If you're not going to use it for that, then it's just so much drama and -- ultimately -- torture for you.
