H came by and asked for a divorce. Says he doesn't trust me and he's done.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
please take a deep breath... calm down.... then reread what I wrote to you in your prior thread.
I believe that every word I wrote, is still true. Even the part about him doing his part, if you do yours.
he's only "given up", because it seems to him like YOU have given up, based on your last conversation with him. you're the one who told him first that it "wasnt worth trying", and things were over.
you have the power to change that.
The biggest power you have in that reguard, i think, is to try my "1." suggestion, with sincerity. You may be amazed at how powerful it can be.
Last edited by Dom R; 06/06/0805:37 AM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Dom, I think it really is over. I mean, just the look on his face tonight was unreal. He walked in the house, sat down across from me and said, "you're response yesterday that nothings going to change tells me that you're not willing to make changes. I told you this day would come. I told you I'd get to the point of it being over unless you could show me changes. I'm done." He started to leave and I asked if we could talk. He said, "I'm done talking. We have nothing left to talk about." He told me that it's too late to try to talk to him, he doesn't trust me and he's done.
Given that Dom, I don't even have the chance to say anything to him. When I tried to talk to him tonight, he said that I only want to talk because of this, but before I never wanted to.
God, I'm panicking. Where am I going to live? How do I tell my kids?
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Dom, I think it really is over. I mean, just the look on his face tonight was unreal. He walked in the house, sat down across from me and said, "you're response yesterday that nothings going to change tells me that you're not willing to make changes.
Ladybug:
everything he said, confirms that everything I said, is true. word for word.
you cant talk to him tonight, this is clear.
you might not even be able to talk to him tomorrow.
Just survive for a day or two, until you can.
If you dont completely panic, things can work out ok. dont tell your kids anything right now.
Quote:
When I tried to talk to him tonight, he said that I only want to talk because of this, but before I never wanted to.
and... he's right, yes?
So... this is another opportunity for you, when the times comes. Another opportunity, to admit, "yes, you are completely right."
Read what I've posted to you, in 24 hours.
YOU cant focus on it right now. But maybe you will be able to do so then.
come back. read it. see what you think then.
This is the equivalent of a "count to 20 before getting mad" excercise. Just a lot tougher, and a lot longer
hang in there. take some sleeping pills/booze/whatever (in reasonable moderation!), and try to sleep for now.
i'm going to try to do the same.
Last edited by Dom R; 06/06/0806:02 AM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Sorry your H said that, but if you want it to work don't give up hope. Your H is basically telling you he doesn't want to hear words he wants to see actions. He sounds very frustrated.
Regroup, re-evaluate and show him you can change if you want to.
My W has asked for a D several times. She has yet to file and I am not going to do it for her.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
How can I show him? He doesn't trust me and won't ever believe that any change I make is real.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
If I may...I have been reading your posts and I have a suggestion that actually worked for me.
My H and I were doing well, and I backslid. We had a huge blowout about a week and a half ago. It was ugly, and he said the "D" word.
I didn't speak to him for a week. I just let him go, and let him be angry. I didn't text, didn't email anything other than our financial record, no R talk at all. I just let it be.
It was very hard, and I cried alot. My H accused me of being controlling (true) and I realized it after he said it. I promised myself that if I got the second chance, I would not be the same person. And I waited.
Yesterday, he did call. I had ordered a new cell phone, and emailed him to let him know he could either leave it on my front porch, in my mailbox, or I could pick it up from his front porch. He opted to bring it to me. I went to meet him out at the car so he wouldn't have to come in. He came in anyway. I kept conversation light, joking, and no R talk. None. Zip. Nada. He only stayed for ten minutes. I did ask for a hug, and got one. Now the kicker with that is that usually he hugs me with one arm pat on the back, last night it was a two armed hug. Now, I am not reading too much into it, and have opted to continue to back off so he can figure out what he wants instead of me telling him what he wants.
If I may suggest, back off. Let him be mad, let him be sad, whatever. At some point in all of our lives, we get this angry frustrated feeling that no one else can help us with. The more the other person pushes, the more the pushee runs. I have been on both ends of the spectrum, and it is very hard. You love this person and you can't understand why they walk away. Patience is the key. I have none, so I have learned massive lessons in patience. Let him go for now.
When I feel the need to contact, I send an email to my H, but email it to myself. I started doing it yesterday and it was great because not only did I say what I needed to say, I didn't have to worry about a response. I didn't have to worry that I said something to offend, because it came to me. It does take the pressure off
(((Lady))) Just breath.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I know I'll see him this afternoon at my daughters swimming lessons. My eyes are swollen from crying all night, I'll keep my sunglasses on. But how do I act? His gotten mad at me for acting "as if" like I'm not bothered by this. Then again, I KNOW he's not going to want to talk to me.
He's told me "it's over." a dozen times now. But, I think he meant it last night. He was crying when he said it, then he left.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Just play it cool. The biggest key right now is not to say or do anything you will regret. Don't offer information, but answer the question. Smile, be polite, and relax. If he engages you in conversation, enjoy the moment. The biggest thing is not to read too much into anything, and just be yourself. And remember to breath (((Lady)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
