ms ladybug concerned...MR bug wants to move home.

[Dom R]

Dom, I look forward to your responses because you're so...honest. You really don't sugar-coat anything.

*cough*... well, good... 'cause.. Umm.... you have no idea how much I've toned down what I was GOING to say to you on the following subject...

Hi girlfrompanema! Thanks for responding.
How long have I been working on the changes?? Well, that's a tough one because I backslide on the changes ALL THE TIME. So, no he hasn't seen them for longer than a week or two at a time. Then, WHAMMO! I react!
.... I'm not a fair-fighter.

Maybe that's one of the biggest things he's complaning about?
That you have an anger management problem?
and that you cannot accept/admit when you are in the wrong?


ladybug... you have in your husband, something that most of us here would "kill to have".... an unhappy spouse, that actually TELLS YOU why he is unhappy. and even more than that, is willing to WORK TOGETHER with you, if you will just commit to doing work !

But when he asks you to... you avoid committing to making any changes in yourself.

He commented bluntly to you,
"I used to want to go to marriage counseling, but you aren't going to change. You aren't going to do anything the counselor asks you to do So, I just don't think it would be worth my time."

and.. you agreed with him, that you are not willing to change!!
"you're right. We have nothing left to work on then."

This makes me really sad. you have the power to radically change your marriage for the better.. and you are simply choosing not to.

Now, to figure out a plan...
hhhmmmm....
this could take some time....
I need a plan...

most married people, who are as deep in it as you two are, are too emotionally wrapped up to think up a good plan themselves. That's why there are marriage counsellors.

So.. how about this for a plan for you:

1. Apologise to your husband, that you reacted so badly to him when he commented about marriage counselling

2. Commit to trying whatever the marriage counsellor says that you could try changing.

If you do that, I can almost guarantee that your husband will do his part.

IF, and ONLY if, you apologize first. Because that in itself, will be a major change for you: admitting to him that you did something wrong. From the comment he made to you on that subject, sounds like that's another major "problem area" for you, in addition to your anger management issues.