Too late for DB, thread 7

[MichelleLT]

I wonder that myself sometimes. And the reality of it is, I don't like my alien very much. But I do love my H, and I do love the person he was, and that I sometimes see glimpses of now.

Your H may grow and become a great person because of these experiences. You never know. So why not give it a chance? Hang in there a while and just see what happens.

(((cw)))

[cw68]

No, I'm not done, just getting frustrated. I really, really, really hate having my kids taken out of my house and my arms against my will. It's just wrong. Since I had them Thur-Mon, H had them for dinner Monday and the last two nights. He has them for the next two nights. It's so difficult and unsettling.

[MichelleLT]

I am frustrated too. I think it's contagious.

You love your kids, that's what matters. They know that.

[cw68]

I know they know that, but it kills me inside that they sleep elsewhere from me. That I'm not there for them 24/7 and it's not by my choosing. That they only have one parent at a time and never the two parents in the same house together. Yes, we may do some things as a family, but it's not the same. It's just not fair. Not fair to them, not fair to me, but mostly not fair to them. I just don't understand how he can do that. It's the thing that baffles me the most. Not that he fell out of love with me, not that he doesn't understand how to give in marriage and go through rough times to the other side. I might not agree with him on those things, but the splitting of the kids I just DO NOT GET. grrr

I'm off. I'm trying to wean myself from this box some. I need to read, to live, something beside just sit in front of this computer so much. It's enjoyable, for sure, but I'm beginning to think I'm not exactly doing it in a healthy way.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((cw)))))

I expect he's never thought of it that way, and I don't think there is any way you can show it to him. Hopefully, he will on his own, sooner, rather than later.

I need to get out, too! I may try to golf this weekend.....

[cw68]

Hey, how 'bout that, I actually got off and stayed off. Watched some "House Hunters Int'l," read and did some crossword puzzles. Sleep like a baby, too. I may be on to something here.

OK, took my second dose of medication a little while ago. I have to say that yesterday it did seem like things were a little less "noisy" inside my own head. We'll see if today's the same way. I think next week will be the big test, I'll see if I can actually plow through some to dos on my long to do list. It was always long enough, but taking care of this big house by myself is getting to me.

Which brings me to a little journaling... I don't really like my house. I liked it when we all lived here, but never really loved it. I loved our last house. Loved it with a passion. But we moved from it because it only had one small bathroom and to move closer to where my H worked. The idea behind it was more family time, less commute/gas and H loves big houses. Now I'm in a 2500+ 4/3 by myself with two small kids. It's too much room. It's too much to clean (nine freaking sinks! We had two at the old house.), it's just too much. The yard isn't too big, but I have to admit I hate mowing. We always split the yard work and it made it fun and easy. Our soil is clay and granite, so it's not easy to work with. There are at least seven bushes that need to be removed and I simply cannot do it myself. I don't know whether to ask H to come over and do it or find some handyman/teenager to do it for me.

If hell freezes over and we get back together, we'll be in this house for a while. If we sell it, would lose a fair amount of money between market drop and realtor fees. I'm OK with that, though it's not my dream home. The one, and only, bright spot of us divorcing is selling the house. I'd love to.

H and I disagree on this point. He thinks I should try to hold on to it as long as I can. He said I can have whatever profits we walk away with 100% and I don't think it's because of guilt. Part of it, sure, but I have been the one to find houses with good bones to fix and sell a few years later. I always said that was the income I brought to our relationship. But I don't want to try to struggle to make the monthly payments. I need to be able to save money, invest money and the like. H thinks we should keep the kids' home for them as long as possible. (Then don't do this!) I'm not going to move them from their district, and most likely not even the school, and the home is where the heart is.

[cw68]

Little update on the medication: it's working already! I've been plowing through things today. I even listened to all 14 old messages on the answering machine in one sitting to delete or act on them. That's a first. Usually I get through three and can't stand it anymore. My answering machine actually says "0" messages where it usually is in the double digits. Laundry's all done, folded and put away, except for the ones in the washer.

Me likey!

[Virtually_Handsome]

You wanna come visit?

What are you taking?

((((((cw))))))

[MichelleLT]

(((cw)))

Sounds pretty nice!!

TGIF!!!

[newnamenewlife]

CW, You're reminding me of how productive I was when I took Ritalin. It's sooo tempting to use that from time to time. I recently upped my dose of ADs and while it has the desired numbing effect, it also makes me feel spacey and it's hard to get things done.

Sometimes I can totally see myself becoming a prescription drug addict and ending up in rehab. That would suck, huh? What would H do with that?

Do you take an AD too?