After the initial reaction (wanting to die right then and there, wanting to scream at the IC, wishing I could disappear into the floor, etc...), I do see the meeting as a positive. It got me to a better place of acceptence. (You know the saying--you can't always get what you want, but you get what you need.) Him sitting there, poor belabored man with this lovelorn crazywoman bothering him, although he "still cares," while he is just trying to help.....bite me.
I am playing with the idea of moving. I really don't have anywhere to go, no huge ties....friends would stay in touch, I am good at making new ones, my family is already pretty far away.... I would just hate to give up my job--I really like where I work, and they are cutting teaching jobs all over the place again. I'd also have to buy another house, and am pretty sure I couldn't afford a new mortgage even in today's market.
But starting over appeals to me. Where I am now, I do have current support systems in place, but I also have to deal with CW across the street. And as much as they have loved and supported me, his parents in the house. I do feel terribly that they have become as involved in this mess as they have. But I also know that they have an offer of another house if they wanted to get out, and they don't, so I won't obsess.
Is that running away, like what he did to me? Probably part of it. I either wanted him to come home, or just disappear. When I alluded to that once in IC, she asked me--would you want your kids to be without their father?! I had to think long and hard about that one....
Quote:
Processing old pain to get rid of the garbage and gain a healthier mental outlook is helpful.
Getting to a place when I am good on my own, healthy and complete, with my self-esteem intact--that is where I need to be. The old tapes are the garbage.
You also mentioned "another story." Where did I just read about the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves...? DBT maybe. This weekend, I am going to write another story about me, all from a positive outlook.
