Jane, I can completely understand your POV about the priority of marriage 1st, children 2nd, career and everything else after.

And I shared that same opinion for quite a while. Until I had my son that is.

Once he came along....well, that TV commerical that says:

"Having a baby changes everything" The greatest understatement of all time!

My son comes #1 in my life. In fact, there is no way our marriage could have lasted this long if he was not #1 to me. My wife expects him to be #1 to me, and if he is not, we are immediately at odds over a major component of our lives together.

Your perspective of the priority list is rooted in logic. But logic can go out the window when baby comes cause..

...having a baby changes everything


Before our baby came, my wife asked me a hypothetical question:

If we both were in trouble, who would you save 1st? Me or the baby?

My answer was: I would save you, as painful as it would be to lose a child - we could eventually have another.

Wrong answer. Once my son was born, I realized my answer would be something more like this:

I would save the baby, as much as I love you - you have had a chance to live a life. While the baby has not. So, I would save the baby 1st and hope I had a chance to save you as well.

And that is the answer that brings smile to her face.

Last edited by EnergyAZ; 06/05/08 10:36 PM.
Me: 37
Wife: 40
Son: 7yo
Son: 18 mo
Bomb: 12/31/07
Status: Reconciled 1/2009 but backsliding terribly right now