Oh no! Please help!!

[EnergyAZ]

Actually there in lies a big problem for me reconciling with my H. He rarely did what he said. I came to learn that I could not trust him, count on him for much of anything.

That is why any changes I have been seeing from him have had to be visible, palatable changes that are repeated many times, in many different forms, in many different circumstances, before I would risk more with him.

When he would slip up, I would retreat, the walls would come up, the defenses were at full mast. When he could make good on what he said, then I would relax, I could smile, feel safer, be willing to 'talk'.

The WAW's rollercoaster of emotions that everyone talks about on here is a real phenomena for many reasons.... ONE of which is that my reaction & subsequent feelings was based on to his ability or inability to follow through on what he would say he would/could/should do. I semi-jokingly would tell my friends, how my day was depended on which "H" showed up that day.

He himself has said, that doing what he says, not just saying what he will do (or thinks he did) has helped him keep honest with his principles (something from Covey? I think) making him feel better about himself and I think, less angry.

Just another perspective on this from the other side of the fence.

I can relate to what you say because its happening in our lives together as well.

Fortunately I have discovered something about myself. I notice that when I am doing anything positive and good for myself (gym, studies, whatever) ..once I start making some progress, I seem to subconciously sabatoge myself. I started to understand that its likely because I fear succeeding, as if I am truly not worthy of achieving positive goals.

So understanding that, makes it easier on myself to actually follow through. I can catch myself 'slipping' before she does and rectify myself before she even notices.

This is a big reason why I am certain the old cycles of our past are all but done. Now I just need time for her to be truly satisfied that what she is seeing is not an illusion.

She is the one who seems to sway back and forth, while I am maintaining consistency. She made a promise to herself to leave, and she does not wish to betray her own promise. But in the same light, that promise was in part based off the old me. So when she see's positive changes in me, it kinda throws her for a loop. But she has seen this before, and I would tend to regress...so she seems to be expecting that to happen again.

But it wont! I am enjoying my new sense of self mastery and the upward spiral that comes along with it. :-)