You all are the best! I'm so intrigued by this fishing expedition. He sent me a funny sound file after this conversation. I told him thanks and I was going to sleep since I had to get up early.
Speaking of fishing...H came over to the house today and picked up S13 to take him fishing. He left his car parked out front and took the golf cart to the lake which I had told him he could do anytime he wanted. My heart nearly came out of my chest when I turned onto our street at lunch and his car was out front. It was ridiculous. I knew he wasn't there but it still made me have palpitations. Dumb, I know.
I got back to my office after lunch, looked out the window and who was in the parking lot? H and S13 on the golf cart. I went outside to say hi and H told me they were done fishing and were heading back home and thought they would stop by and say hi. Hmmmmmm......H is driving the cart, H told me this, my son barely looked at me since he was playing his gameboy. Whose decision was this? Let me think.......... My office is NOT on the way home from the lake they were fishing at but H's bank is so that's probably why they were over here.
Anyway.......I'm just going to play it off. If H contacts me, great. If he doesn't, oh well. I'm feeling so much better about my life now in general but I'm afraid if H suddenly made a move back toward me I might teeter in my resolve to better myself.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
That's my point exactly Jack. I'm afraid that I would stop all of my GAL activities because I tend to fall back into patterns very easily. I'm working on that. I am a pleaser and I will drop everything I am doing to take care of the people I love to my own detriment.
It has taken me quite a bit of therapy and time to be able to put myself first sometimes. I'm really enjoying myself most of the time now which is the first time in a LONG time. I hadn't realized how many years I spent making everyone else's lives easier and making my own harder and harder until I became a person I don't especially like. No wonder H didn't want me anymore. I wasn't the woman I once was at all. I had lost all my fun loving nature, my silly, flirty, banter. I stopped having much of a sense of humor and took life FAR too seriously. NO MORE! I'm so glad I found my fun side again!
Anywho.....I'm headed to bed. Early morning again tomorrow (or today I guess since it's after midnight) but at least it's FRIDAY!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Good advice from Jack. And Mishka, it sounds like you are becoming very aware of who you need to be and not only for your H's sake. Otherwise changes are not permanent.
I can relate because I honestly want the changes to be permanent in myself and have actually been concerned that I would've reverted back to my old habits if she came back too early.
Focus on what is right.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Absolutely right MMF! I don't want to go backward so I'm being extra cautious.
I'm not sure why I let things get to me the way I do. Today was a rough day and it's not directly H's fault, it just bothers me so much.
My cousin dropped me an email and said she saw my H with "Broom Hilda" (the OW) at chick-fil-a this morning when she dropped in to grab breakfast. H got up to go to the bathroom and OW stayed there talking to the other officer they were eating with. My cousin joked that she was probably hitting on him while H was away since she's such a skank.
It was like someone plunged a knife into my heart and twisted hard. The thought that he was there having breakfast with HER made me so sad. I cried all through my lunch hour and feel so depressed now. FYI - he's not supposed to be out with her in public in his uniform as he is not divorced from me and he's representing the city per his chief. I was so tempted to send an email to the chief annonymously telling him what H was doing this morning but I stopped myself. There just isn't any point. It's not like he's going to break things off with her because of it and he could lose his job. I can't afford for that to happen so I just sat on my hands and sucked it up.
I can't fight off the sadness right now. It doesn't help that my plans for Saturday night just fell through also. I could still go but I'd have to go alone. Considering it's a 1.5 hour drive each way and not a good idea to walk into a huge club alone I guess I'm not going. I need to find something else to do since H is going to have S13.
Any brilliant ideas anyone?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I'm sorry you H is being such an idiot, and I'm sorry your plans fell through! That sounded like fun! I think you did the right thing by letting his breakfast drop, there's nothing good that could come out of it!
I'll try to think of a brilliant idea. There must be one out there!
I'm sorry your H is being pants and wish I had a good thing to say to help you feel better. The broom is a tart though- no two ways about it, and I bet she doesn't know H has been texting you so much, so Ha to her!
Ok Lisa, explain. Not sure what that means so I must be REALLY behind on my Brit slang.
You are right Lisa. I'm sure she doesn't know how much we have been talking but it really wouldn't matter if she did since nothing is happening between us. Even if something were happening it wouldn't matter since he's MY H!!!
I spent all day today fighting with myself to NOT text him to ask how he's doing, not contact him at all. Something I read today has been eating at me so I'm going to pose this to you all here because you are such wise DBer's and I'm sure you can help me out.
I have been reading a book about reconciliation titled "When Your Mate Wants Out". It's an excellent book with some really good points. Divorce Care subject last night was on "What the Owner's Manual (the Bible) Says". In both the book and the video the subject of asking for forgiveness for your own shortcomings in the M came up. I have felt it laying on my heart for the past couple of days that I need to approach my H to just ask for his forgiveness in what I feel responsible for in the breakdown of our M. Granted, that portion of the breakdown only equals about 10% of the problem but I still feel burdened by it.
I know this would be considered a R talk but I feel that I need to get this out for myself. I don't expect him to suddenly feel overwhelmed with regret and beg me for forgiveness and up and leave the broom (I like that Lisa! Thanks...much easier than skanky whore to get out in a sentence!). Just as I have forgiven him for myself, not for him. I feel I need to ask for forgiveness for myself as well.
What do you guys think? Is this something I should approach or should I just let it all drop until he initiates a R talk which could be never. In that case I would feel burdened by this forever.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Hmmmmmm, Yes, there is no question that at some point, you will want to ask him to forgive you, and (especially) you will need to forgive youtself. But, I'm not sure there's any point in asking him until he is ready to hear you. I'm worried that if you ask him when he isn't ready, he will just add on to his list of things that are wrong with you. I'm not 100% sure on this one, so listen for some other thoughts.
I guess if it looks like he is never going to be ready, then you just do it, maybe in a letter like MichelleLT did? She might have some interesting input here!
