I do miss it! You are right....H and I have this "friendship relationship". He is acting like he "wants me" now, but I don't. What a mess........get an Indiv counselor?.....God, I hate my life.
Ok, I got myself more under control again. Would the SEx starved marriage book help me? I don't think I can take another counselor.......I really don't........
I have not read the SSM book, so I don't know if it would help you or not. When I was young and dating, I used to listen to that Crosby, Still and Nash song, Love the One You're With. (I know you think I am crazy with all these song lyrics, but I think songs make have a huge influence on the listeners.)
The song is rather a trite treatment of your problem, but then it isn't either. Because it is a matter of setting aside the idea that this is a big hurdle to cross and making it more like a line on the sidewalk -- something easy to step over. I really do believe that there is nothing to it but to do it. You need to investigate what is stopping you. You were able to have sex with OM while married to your husband. Why can't you have sex with your husband while still emotionally involved with OM? Please don't tell me you can't be unfaithful. I will throw up.
Love the One You’re With by Stephen Stills
If you’re down and confused, and you don’t remember who you’re talkin’ to. Concentration slip away, ‘cause your baby is so far away.
Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.
Don’t be angry, don’t be sad, and don’t sit cryin’ over good times you’ve had. There’s a girl right next to you, and she’s just waitin’ for something to do.
And there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.
Turn your heartache right into joy, she’s a girl, and you’re a boy. Well get it together, make it real nice, You ain’t gonna need anymore advice.
And there’s a rose in the fisted glove and the eagle flies with the dove, and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.
Sorry, but this reads like an invitation to betray one's partner.
Yes, I could also read it as "love the man you feel for now even though he isn't the WHOLE man you are bringing him back into being..."
I could read it as love the man who is now, waiting for his future is futile...love him as HE IS. THAT I am happy with..but this song way too easily invites one to commit infidelity. lol
Sorry but this is advice from a musician...hardly credible where long term relationships are of import. LOL
The sex starved marriage MAY help...but whatdidido..why does it have to be sex? What is wrong wiht some foreplay? Behave like young teenagers dating...don't just JUMP into BED..why ruin it?
Enjoy the romance...don't hurry it...there are ways to please your man while NOT having sex...he just wants to feel like you feel like he's handsome. He doesn't have to have sex...there's a feeling he's after...just touch him so he feels like you are there with him and help him feel sexy.
It is important htough, if yo are not ready and he is, to write him a VERY tender letter asking him not to hurry you. Let him know this is like dating again and you are enjoying the fun of it all...let him know he is sexy...SHOW him he is...and end hte letter telling him how attractive he is and how much you love him.
honestly this will HELP him and reduce your stress...and the writing this letter may just invite some imagination to take flight in your mind for him ...
Touch him, pet him...kiss him...help him feel sexy again...he feels tossed aside like a spare tire...if you just ignore him and reject him he will be devastated.
Sex is not that hard, but you have to TALK...in a letter or somehow let HIM know how YOU are feeling and HE needs to let you know how HE is feelig. I can help you understnad how he is...but you need to communicate to him ok?
just please him like any man you have been dating for a while ok? He will be happy with that.
I can't count how many times I have been turned down by a female for sex when something else would have made a world of difference.
When a guy asks for SEX...give him s, or e, or just x ...that's not what he asked for..but it is ENOUGH for him to feel attractive, which is the most important part of that exchange, for both of you to feel sexy and attractive.
The sex will happen...like everything else, take it slow, but keep working at it...DONT" just IGNORE it.
It's just a song. And I suggested it to give her permission to have sex with her husband. Not infidelity. Besides, it was the 70s. The song is not intending to promote infidelity. It intended to promote promiscuity! And it did.
I stepped away for a minute, looking for the right words words of wisdom, but I'm sorry I don't have any
I feel your pain, I know you are tormented. The torture you must feel, the uncertainty, the sanity of it all which way is up, what is right, will it work am I doing the right thing, how long must I try, the tears, I'm holding them back right now for you. Thinking of your situation I remembered this song, I'm not that old, but I love music and I remembered this one. No one knows what the future will hold, keep your chin up girl and wipe away the tears.
Doris Day: Whatever Will Be, Will Be (Que Sera, Sera)
When I was just a little girl I asked my mother what will I be Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me
Que sera sera Whatever will be, will be The futures not ours to see Que sera sera What will be, will be
When I was just a child in school I asked my teacher what should I do Should I paint pictures, should I sing songs Here was her wise reply
Que sera sera Whatever will be, will be The futures not ours to see Que sera sera What will be, will be
When I grew up and fell in love I asked my sweatheart what lies ahead Will we have rainbows day after day? Here's what my sweatheart said
Que sera sera Whatever will be, will be The futures not ours to see Que sera sera What will be, will be
Now I have children of my own They ask their mother what will I be? Will I be handsome? Will I be rich? I tell them tenderly
Que sera sera Whatever will be, will be The futures not ours to see Que sera sera What will be, will be
Que sera sera
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
