I'm sorry I didn't see your thread sooner. My husband and I went to Retrouvaille about 1 1/2 years ago and had a life changing experience there. It was without a doubt the best thing we ever did together. I do recommend Retrouvaille to everyone who has a spouse willing to go and make some effort. Even a small willingness is enough. The communication skills they teach there will improve your relationship no matter what you decide to do in the future. If you think your wife will go with you to Retrouvaille, do not hesitate to reserve your spot.
Well our spot is reserved. We are going on July 25th and Im not hoping for a miracle that weekend, but I do believe that the program will help us. To give an update I know its been a while but things seem to be simmering down a bit. Just yesterday she came home and talked to me about her problems she was experiencing with people at work. She has not done this in a long long time, as she spoke I stopped ironing and cut off the tv. As I sat beside her on the bed, I could see the anger she had in her face. She asked me my point of view and I sided with her in this situation. And then to back up a little on her birthday, she gave me a hug when she came home. I dont know what is going on but I also got a hug lastnight to. I think I'm starting to see a shift but I dont want to read to much into it.
To give an update about my session with her and her counselor. It went well, she was asking me my point of view on things and stated that we are teammates in this relationship, and we both need to make permanent changes if our marriage is going to survive. I got more out of that one session than I did with us going to marriage counseling for the two months we went. She has a good counselor, one that is telling her to work through the marriage and not look to take the easy way out. I started out by saying I want to work through our issues, and her counselor agreed with me on majority of our points. So all in all it was a good session I thank.
And one more note, I have not brought up the retrouvaille weekend anymore, but she has. She stated after our session, that we may look for another counselor, and then we have out retrouvaille weekend coming after the vacation to el paso. Like I said I dont want to read to much into it, but I have just been acting as if........ all along.
Jack where are you at? One more question to you with her seemingly acting a little afectionate towards me, is that part of MLC fraud act or do you think this is something else?
Confused, I'm wondering where EVERYONE'S at today! It's dead here now.
I'm so glad to see you and W are attending Retrouvaille. That's a step I will definately ask H to take with me if the time ever comes for us. I've heard only good about it!
I always felt that the confusion and wishy-washiness was the true telltale of MLC. Their hot-cold and yes no attitude that absolutely consumes the LBS at first is the big MLC flag for me.
So is her attitude fraud or just confused? I at times saw glimpses of my old wife in the depths of her MLC. One glimpse a smile or concern peeking out of her eyes, that would fuel me for awhile.
Fraud implies a bigger picture with long term thiniking, and I never believed that an MLC was capable of thinking down the road for more than a few days. At least in my MLC wife.
Oh they are deceptive. They lie to protect themselves from wrath. "We are just friends, I broke it off."
Confused right now, anything is possible. Get a better lay of the land.
Their confusion is you ally.
I say that, because as a WAH once upon a time. I wasn't confused at F-ing all when I was done. I gave no hope, I gae nothing to indicate that I was going to change my mind because I wasn't. I did not have an MLC.
That is why I say their confusion is your ally. They don't know what they want...or if you are an optimist...A part of them wants you. But you cannot push them into it. Comprende?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
OK the weekend went as follows she went out with her friends on friday night to see Sex in the city movie. Nothing unusaul on Saturday, other than on my way to church I proceeded to ask God to give me something out of these readings today that can relate to my life please. I asked for only one reading, you know what as me being Catholic, God not only gave me one reading ALL THREE READINGS was something that I could relate to. They all was about RECONCILIATION, with God and each other, I was thrown back at the words that I was hearing. I mean my goodness he answered my prayer.
And then last night she was on the phone with one of her friends, from way back. When I went into the room I realized she was holding back tears. i asked what was wrong, and she just hugged me tight. I mean I have not gotten a hug like this in years from her. It seems one of her friends that has been pretty much messing around on her husband found out that her husband was having an affair of his own. And it was posted all over myspace, this girl is now in a psyciatric ward down in Ft. Hood, Texas. So the discussion between me and my wife went something like this. When she told me what had happened I was like well karma is a B****. Then my wife was like yeah I know but is it more than Karma, is this just to people who are not happy in their relationship, and how is their situaiton any different from ours. I replied with well it obvious that there not happy together, but they have two kids. My thing is why was it ok when she was messing around, and it is all funny between yall. And now it is known that he has been doing the same and she cant handle it. I went on to say that as her counselor put it, all marriages go through crisis, but it is the way you handle it that makes a differance in the outcome. I went on to ask they never been to marriage counseling or anything to try and correct their problems where I sort of feel we are trying to correct things between us. And my wife agreed she said that she believes the retrouvaille weekend will be a start for us, and also with our trip to el paso we may get to spend a little time together. Because yesterday she mentioned that we should drive to Riodoso, NM. And I replied well thats a long trip with the kids and she said Im saying without them. My mom will keep them, she already said she would. So now as you guessed it, I'm more confused than I was before the weekend. Dont know what to believe as true or MLC. But I do know she was holding me very tight as she cried and, she had a look in her face of guilt, I saw that very clearly. JACK IM WAITING ON YOUR RESPONSE
