I am just afraid that if I don't file first, that I am at a disadvantage in setting terms.
I didn't file first, and I don't think I was at any disadvantage. I had the better lawyer, read lots of books, researched and learned as much as possible, etc.....
Not only did I not file first, I dragged my feet and went as slow as possible on everything. In fact, I think I had a better advantage because I got to see who his lawyer was and get someone much better!!! Also, I think if we had gone to court I would have looked like the more responsible partner because I was trying to keep my family together.
I don't think anyone should file to try and "snap" a spouse out of what they are doing. That's the wrong reason to file. You should only file if you want a D. And my A explained LS is usually done for specific financial purposes. One thing you have to consider, once you start LS or D the momentum of D can sometimes be difficult to stop. Also, if the LBS files it makes it more difficult for a WAS to return to a M if they have any second thoughts. Also, if they file they have to live with that regret, they are always responsible for having made that decision. They can't blame you for wanting the D in the first place. (My H tried to pull that one on me! When he started to finally "wake up" he said, "But you wanted the D, you filed..." Sorry bud, I have the documentation to prove otherwise).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
