Bring on the Rain - Part 2

[Rob1231]

Hi Sue, You sound so strong, and confident. I'll say it again, I am really proud of you.

Your H's failure to have a plan with OW doesn't surprise me in the least. Sure, it's fun to plan "the great escape" and look at web sites of places to live for their "love nest" - but do you really think the reality lives up to that fantasy? Not a chance. And by making your own moves, you're inadvertently forcing a change - from that fantasy "some wonderful day in the future" to that reality "next month, bucko". Maybe H isn't nearly as ready to face the hard, painful facts of packing up his life and moving as he would like to imagine. And maybe that is ten times harder for OW, who (as much as she seems to not care) still has to look into the faces of her own kids as she contemplates it.

The court date is similar, I think. The closer it comes to actually being His Day In Court, the less H can tell himself "Oh, it's no big deal, just a little slap on the wrist." Is that enough to get him sober? I doubt it - I don't think you overcome alcoholism with an attitude of "probably won't be saying that again". It's going to take some real motivation and conviction to keep him on the wagon. Maybe standing before the judge will do it - I sure hope so.

In the meantime, you keep your eye on the ball - taking care of yourself and D4. I could see him, when the going gets tough with the law, wanting to suck you back in for moral support. If that happens, just remember - it's all about him, and the days when "all about him" was good enough are over and done.

I'll be on vacation for the next week or so, and am not sure what kind of Internet access I'll have. I'll be thinking of you though - hang in there!