Originally Posted By: rop
I'd like to ask her some useful questions that could cast some light on my sitc, but I can't come up with anything.... I don't know - "why did you leave?" it sounds like there are things not solved and is not true - or.... "do you think there is something about me that makes Ws run away?"
I'll think about it, in the meantime any suggestion is welcome.


To be a good DBer you need to stay away from ANY relationship talk. JUST FRIENDLY friendship-like LIGHT (not serious) communication for now. Everything positive... your whole thing should be about creating positive memories about the relationship. Another suggestion I have is talk less about you and more about listening to her, asking her impersonal questions. If she gets personal or starts talking about the relationship --change the subject!!! Talk to her like some aquaintance you happen to be standing next to at the deli!!!). ALL conversations and encounters need to end POSITIVE. This is your best chance of creating that.

A year from now you can ask those other questions, but I'll be happy to stab at a possible answer to one of your questions.... and it may answer the first one as well.
(Although I could be completely offbase since you put your wives down and make them feel terrible, and drive them away... only kidding!!!! Seriously joking here!!!).

Q: "do you think there is something about me that makes Ws run away?"

Chances are you pick a particular "type" of woman....and this is probably subconscious. We all have characteristics we feel comfortable in the people we choose to move closer towards and connect with. Oftentimes we pick the same characteristics over and over... they are something we are used to and it just "feels right." (i.e. people who hook up with abusers, or alcoholics.... I tend to like quiet men who don't communicate well... some people are attracted to boisterous people, "free spirits," quiet people who like to hang around at home, or outgoing ones that like parties...etc...). There may be something in the women you are attracted to that makes them the type who want change in their life... or....

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.