That is all you really need to understand. Sometimes.. the best things happen right in that moment.. when you would have never expected them. Ah.. so now you see why "No Expectations" is so important.
"I know she always thought I didn't "like her"...she made comments about that all the time. That came from always being so critical of her...finding fault in everything she did."
She may have thought it.. but she did not believe it. If she did.. she would have been gone a long time ago. See.. you can see something someone is thinking. Could have sworn I wrote that down somewhere. Stop.. beating yourself up.. It's not healthy. Stop trying to "fix" what was broken yesterday. Work on today and try and have nothing to "fix".
"Somehow it just felt good to hear her say SOMETHING in reference to the way she thought I felt, or made her feel, or treated her."
Again.. just use it to pull yourself up and strive for more of them.
"Funny how I want her to sit down now and tell me every single thing I ever said or did wrong, and every time I ever made her unhappy so I can tell her I remember."
I don't know if I would make that a goal of mine. It might be a really long list.. and to be honest.. it won't help the way you think it will.
"and something else, off the subject a little. With the way things were between us, I think I thought the same way a lot of the time....probably the same way she felt, even though it was me that started our "vicious circle"."
Funny thing about a circle.. it does not have a starting point or a ending point. Really it does not matter where you start. All that matters is you both walked the same direction.. around and around.. guess what.. it never stops. Same goes for the change.. if you can keep it up.. the exact same thing happens. People get out of "Sync".. they have the same thoughts.. just at different times. Getting back in "Sync" can be hard. Usually getting in "Sync" sounds like this..
"This last couple of months while we have been having these almost daily flings....and swapping stories and chatting, I think we are both surprised by how much we remember about each other's past...likes and dislikes....old war stories, favorite things, etc.....and how well we actually "know" each other."
Does that make sense?
"It's all still inside for both of us.....patience...patience...patience.....never my strong point, but I am learning."
Did I mention.. You should really get some help with this. I understand that DB.com helps.. but it is so much more effective when you can sit down face to face with someone and do it. Nothing wrong with reaching out.. not reaching out would be more of the same for you.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
