Bring on the Rain - Part 2

[SueS]

Hi Joie-

Thanks for coming by. You are right on so many things you said. My H is asking for my help. He said that he wondered if it would look better to the courts if HE looked at some sort of classes before his court date. Last night D4 was taking a "shot" of medication in one of those little cups they give you. He said....Down the Hatch. Then he said, I probably won't be saying that again. I said, not again or not soon. He mumbled something about not being able to take a risk. I wondered if that meant taking a risk of drinking and driving or if he was talking about just not drinking any more. I know my H. He's said many, many times that he's going to stop. He's even put a timeframe out there that he'll quit for and it's never stopped him. A few days later he'd find a reason to drink again. My H isn't the "I need it every day" alcoholic. He's the one that can't stop once he's started. He's the one that can't imagine having a good time without alcohol involved. When my dad quit drinking my H had the nerve to joke about how my dad wouldn't be any fun any more. Nevermind that my family had suffered for years due to my dad's drinking.....all that he could say was that it wouldn't be fun any more.

We received H's court information the other day. He has to appear on July 1st. He had originally thought about not getting an attorney, but now is thinking about it. I don't think he saw it as so serious the first day after it happened. However, after talking to him more about the consequenses, I think his thoughts might be changing.

The thought keeps running through my head about how I've gone through all these years of his drinking. I thought about how it would bother me if he quit and had a peaceful life with OW and that she'd never have to really see what I saw. Never understood why life with H was difficult at times. But, then I think about things. I can't see my H quitting. I just can't. Yes, for his sake & for D4's sake, I would love to see him quit. And, I know God has a plan for me. Regardless of what H does in the future with his drinking, I can't change what's happened in the past. I will have a good life and there's something better out there for me.

The past few nights have been quiet at home. H called me at work yesterday and asked if I'd be interested in going with him & D4 to "Walking with Dinosaurs" next Sat. He has to work this Sat., but he wants to take her next weekend. He called again before I left work asking a few other very minor questions. He was pretty quiet when he got home last night. I was sorting some of D4's old clothes and getting some other things ready to either sell or give away. I've been doing things like that and bringing home boxes. H hasn't really said much or seemed to know how to react. I don't think H & OW have found a place yet. She sent him a link to a place within the last week, but I don't think they've set any date or signed any lease. With the lack of communication on my H's plans, I probably won't know until the final day or unless I beat it out of him!

I took more steps yesterday in my move forward. I set up a moving van and talked to our current landlord about MY move out date. Trust me, these are really tough steps for me to be making. I have to push myself every step of the way. But, I know it has to be done.

Have a good one!

SueS