Real live is....part 4!

[Starshyne]

Last night when it got to be 1030 and I didn't see any sign of H, I drove past OW's house and saw his car parked there. I called him and said that I saw that he had decided to go to her and not me and that I would be going to the lawyer first thing in the morning.

And I did. I went in there this morning and paid the money and talked briefly with my lawyer. She said that she would have the paperwork ready in about a week for me to look over. As soon as I left her office and got into the parking lot, I bawled. It is a very sad day for me.

I realize that a lot of what I am feeling is guilt. I feel awful for being the one filing the divorce. He should be doing this and not me. I just feel really awful and guilty about this whole mess. I know that none of it is my fault. I have looked and looked for reasons why our marriage went the way it did and I haven't found anything. Surely I did something wrong, but I am not finding it.

I just feel so sad....so so so sad.