I really wasn't looking at it as an uplift. I know she always thought I didn't "like her"...she made comments about that all the time. That came from always being so critical of her...finding fault in everything she did.
Somehow it just felt good to hear her say SOMETHING in reference to the way she thought I felt, or made her feel, or treated her. You know, she never really voiced her disappointment in me, our marriage..nothing...not before...not since the talk.
Funny how I want her to sit down now and tell me every single thing I ever said or did wrong, and every time I ever made her unhappy so I can tell her I remember.
I know she remembers them all, by a little comment here and there the last several weeks...most jokingly...but it reminds me enough to keep me focused.
....and something else, off the subject a little. With the way things were between us, I think I thought the same way a lot of the time....probably the same way she felt, even though it was me that started our "vicious circle".....always thought she didn't really "like me"...didn't pay too much attention to what I said or how I felt.
This last couple of months while we have been having these almost daily flings....and swapping stories and chatting, I think we are both surprised by how much we remember about each other's past...likes and dislikes....old war stories, favorite things, etc.....and how well we actually "know" each other.
Somehow that sounds perfectly stupid, since we have been together for 20yrs...but it just reminds me how far apart I had let us get. How far away I had pushed her.
It's all still inside for both of us.....patience...patience...patience.....never my strong point, but I am learning.
"Like getting a wild squirrel to eat out of your hand".....no sudden moves....don't scare her.
