The 80/20 Rule...

[TwinDad]

I agree........I have no problem taking the ownership for my part, I just want a second chance to do a better job. (I'm sure there are a lot here like that)

[brandnewday]

Chica,
You have such a way with words.
And what is it lately with the vagina thing?
I changed the Avatar's jeans.
You crack me up

[Valentine]

I think some of us don't take enough ownership for what did happen.

Amen, Brother! I know what I did, wish I coulda done it different...now I am learning...

Everyone deserves a second chance...LOL!

[brandnewday]

But .....

We can't live our lives with if only's....

We can't live our life feeling guilty about the things we did wrong either.

We learn about ourselves.

We learn what we did wrong.

We make changes.

But there are no guarantees that our WAS will come back even with all of our changes.

And we will be better people in the end.

[Cinderellaman]

I think some of us don't take enough ownership for what did happen.

I have a friend who refuses to see her part in the marriage breakdown, it is one of those very obvious cases...the fact that I saw her doing that, helped me to look inwards and see where I myself had gone wrong in my actions and words.

Like BND said, that does not guarantee the return of our spouse.

What we must do is take it with us and try our best to keep on learning and looking inward.

[peacetoday]

what an interesting thread
Thanks for starting it V
i have good friend
she is D 8 years
her H came to her and told her about the 80/20 rule
he is still with OW 8 years later
she wonderen why H told her about that rule?
was it true she asked him..?
I dont think he admitted it..but she felt he told her the rule for a reason
peace

[Valentine]

Thanks peace!

Seems like your friend's H was trying to tell her something...I hate it when they just don't come out and say it...seems like going about things in a roundabout way got me here in the first place!

[brandnewday]

A few months before the sh*t hit the fan and the bomb was dropped...

Beloved showed me an article he had found on the internet about people living secret lives apart from their family.

I read it....

But... I didn't get it.

I had no idea he was showing me in a roundabout way exactly what he was doing behind my back.

If he had only said that he was unhappy, in a rut, etc I really would have listened better.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

BND,

Oh don't get mad at me here, please not my intent.

I really would have listened better.

Really? Really really?
Would you have listened as good as you are now?
Or would you have gone, "WTF I'm busy too what about MY needs?"

Again not too upset you and not saying that you wouldn't have, but I certainly didn't.

I actually think I needed this to become a better husband, father and man.

[Valentine]

Well, LL told me that our marriage was in a funk and a rut but instead of me doing something about right then...we did nothing...so a couple of weeks later...when it was our 10th anniversary...I made the effort to get sexy and glamourous...to get our marriage out of a funk...

....which did nothing since he had already decided to have an affair...which he started 2 days later as far as I know. Nothing I did was good enough...we were "opposites"...he was an 'optimist' and I was a 'pessimist'. He did not like the way I put on my eyeliner...and I was frumpy.

I have decided to change ME...if he never comes back, well, then he is the one missing out. It won't change the fact that my next companion (if I decide to get one) will get the benefit of all my growth...I know I will be a better person all around