Happy Sunday! Thank you for that beautiful prayer.
So what's happening in your world post hottie contractor? Have you gotten your fill of living a fantasy for a while? Or are you ready to get out there and start looking? Life is sure compilcated sometimes isn't it?
I felt for you when you spoke of your sons graduation. It hard but exciting. Funny but my son apologized to me as well for being such a pain in the butt during HS. Maybe their realization is another right of passage for them. Now you're on to another chapter and that one is fun as well.
Yep... I think son and I are about to embark on a whole new journey. We have Freshman orientation this next weekend at the University he'll be attending. Thank the Lord it's only an hour away.... so when I really start to miss his now fuzzy little face, the distance won't be a big stumbling block for him to come home most weekends.
Oh boy... post hottie contractor? Well as I said he contacted me through text soon after the job was completed. For a little bit there I thought I might actually go out with the guy.... then after a couple of conversations we got around to personal stories and I found out that he's seperated. I thought that I'd made it clear that I was not willing to persue any sort of relationship.... a friendship was great... but that was it. Well, he's called a few more times and I am getting the feeling that he is interested in more.... sooooo, I made myself WAY clear when he called last night. I'm good with my decision and too bad if he isn't.... HOT or not.... I won't be playin' that game!!!
The experience has allowed me to at least open myself up to the idea of possibly dating again.... now whether or not I actually do???? we'll just have to see if the next guy who catches my eye is SINGLE first!!!!
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
The experience has allowed me to at least open myself up to the idea of possibly dating again.... now whether or not I actually do???? we'll just have to see if the next guy who catches my eye is SINGLE first!!!!
Pretty good first item for you check off list
As they say, you may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the keeper (although I ain't kissin' none till I'm not even sure when. Engagement? Wedding? Wow, just typing that seem prudish but there is some good logic behind it). I sensed I was ready and then started to think I found someone worth pursuing. It was very exciting and we started to get to know each other better but then came to a point where she felt she wanted to stay friends. (I have later found that I don't feel we are match and so it all worked out just fine and we do have a very good friendship). A couple months later I ran into a girlfriend from 20 years ago and we started talking and seeing each other to reaquaint our selves with each other. Though she was now an extremely committed christian (which brought me great joy), I determined we were not a match.
It was exciting exploring the possibilities and doing so in a totally honorable way resulted in our parting not causing harm to either party.
So now, I know it can be exciting and I am ready for that but I also know it is ok to realize the personalities or vision can be different and it is ok to say "thanks but no thanks."
Enjoy the process, make some friends and trust that God has someone out there for you
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
There are some times that we take what is really not that big a deal and just turn it over in our minds so much that it becomes a big ole headache. I had one of those yesterday.... My D12 is leaving Thurs. for church youth camp, and one of the women organizing the trip called to remind me that I still needed to turn in a contact sheet.... "oh, and by the way, X is driving the bus, just didn't wan't you to be surprised when you get to the church and see him" Ummmm... thanks for letting me know.
Like I said this is not that big of a deal I realize. He is not exactly involved with the activities and maybe won't even be around the kids.... but dang it! So, of course in my mind I begin to conjure up all sorts of thoughts.... well if he is driving(which is so far from anything he'd consider doing while we were married) then that means his new stepson( around D12's age) is probably going and new wife may just be one of the chaperones..... uggghhh!!!!! Surely they will have the forethought not to have her as my D's group chaperone!
and so it turns over and over in my head spinning like mad. I'm beginning to get angry with myself for always seeming to fall back into the angst!!!! Get over it already... I'm sure he's long over anything dealing with me!
I know it's early but heck, somebody please pour me a stiff one....
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
The enemy found a crack and wedged his ugly old self in there!
"Lord, rebuke the enemy, bless lnf's daughter at the camp and even minister to X while he is there. What is done is done but you can turn his heart and still use this for your glory. Provide lnf with incredible comfort in knowing you KNOW her pain of rejection and hurt for you felt it yourself and feel it everytime we reject you, over and over and over again. Yet your grace and mercy prevail and you welcome us back when we open our eyes and turn back to you. Bless my sister this day or this week in some way that causes her to know it comes from you. Amen"
You have my compassion and on going prayers. Forgiveness is the key and the seems so unfair. These new events take us back a step or two from the progress we make in the area of forgiveness and understandably so. On top of that, our enemy provokes, pushes, spins, lies, distorts, perverts etc. WE wind up losing!
The truth is, if I am forgiven, who am I to judge another or to know where they stand with God. It is a truth that just doesn't seem fair but I have learned for me, that if I stay more in the mindset of forgiveness, I remain free, I remain at peace, I get the benefits.
This weekend, my 8th grader graduates and my family will attend. My dad has avoided anything where X and Mr. X have attended. Because of that, he (and my mom) have missed several really special events my kids would have loved to seen them at. They are retired so they have the time. Each of these events is used by the enemy to dig, pick and scrape at my wounds. Even though I have forgiven, the liar of all liars instigates. All I can do is call out to my Lord, call on my brothers to bathe me in prayer, read certain scriptures and also medidate on the fact that I am a sinner, saved by grace. I am forgiven, not by my works but by God's sacirfice of His Son. So when the attacks come at my mind, I know who is sending them my way and I have to fight and fight hard.
This week, I was so angry at satan, thinking it is unfair that we have to forgive others who harm us. Then I had a thought which gave me such satisfaction. I decided to remind myself of the destiny of my enemy and so I read this:
Quote:
20:10 The devil, who deceived them, was cast into the lake of fire and brimstone where F108 the beast and the false prophet are. And they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.
We lose skirmishes but the battle belongs to the Lord and, we win in the end.
As I wrestled with forgiveness in this journey, this is the passage I pondered. In my head I knew I had to forgive but in my heart I did not want to. Ultimately for me, I knew I was called to be obedient and I knew God was patiently waiting for me to move in that direction. He knew/knows my hurt but He is also offered healing but I had to take those steps and retake them as the battle wages.
This weekend at the graduation, I will be praying will have my brothers praying form my family. I don't know what will happen but I will deal with it and pray somehow God is glorified. We shall see. (Oh my son is th 8th grade president so he gets to give a speach )
Quote:
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. 28 But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' 29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet F90 and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' F91 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. 35 So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."
Again, praying for you lnf.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
Bless you my precious sister, God loves you more than you or I will ever know (while here on this Earth) but we'll understand once we get to the other side. It is His promise!
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
I've got to get this out of my system... it's making me feel like I want to hurl. I took my daughter to the church this morning to see her off on her camp week. I had been given the heads up that x was the bus driver for their trip already...so it wasn't as if it was a surprise. And I've grown used to (not comfortable) seeing him in church every sunday. But there was just something about this morning that brought it seemed like every shred of resentment and anger right to the surface. I couldn't seem to talk myself down at all...making me feel worse... like any progress that I'd made in my journey toward recovering and forgiving was lost in that one moment. I couldn't even bring myself to interact with any of the other parents. Oh, I put on the mask just fine and acted "as if"... but it felt every bit as phoney as it was. It was as if every little insecurity I have burried inside was screaming to get top billing.. of course making me feel like little more than dirt. It was awful and I haven't come off the feelings yet. I know some of this is probably normal and I'm sure some of it will pass as the day goes by.... but for now I just want to find a dark hole to crawl into. When it comes right down to it my head knows it is all a spiritual battle... the flesh and the spirit, but somehow rebuking it hasn't helped to quell the beast wanting to lash out some raging self-doubts!!!! This morning my heart rules over my head and it's so disappointing that it is still in that broken state.
One of the things that just kills me is that all the turmoil seems to have that God connection... making it more than a little difficult to find comfort in His presence. I send my baby off on week long trip to grow closer to God but she has to have that added weight of her X step-dad and his new family to deal with.... as if the normal pubescent riddled stuff she's going through isn't enough..... argh! I could just cry
Okay... gotta get a hold of myself and get my rear end to work.
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
