Whitelight.... how about stop trying. Would that not be different. Rather than trying to make it happen... let it happen.
I work with a guy who is desparate for a girlfriend. A girl I work with says it shows all over him that he is desparate and it is unappealing.
If you believe in God it sounds like. Youve mentioned giving it up to God. I have often done that and then in the next moment taken it back because God was not doing a very good job of it... or at least He wasnt doing it the way I thought he should. More on a subconscious level.
If you give something up, you have to really give it up. Surrender completely.
Obviously what you have been doing isnt getting the result you want. I tried stopping drugs and booze at least a dozen different ways. Until finally I tried something different which mainly involved surrender. Complete surrender.
Sounds vague, I know. I suppose what I surrendered most was my expectations. Maybe that is what I am trying to say. Surrender without an expectation of what may materialize or without an expected timeline.
That is real surrender as I have experienced it.
The meaning of my comment about a shortage of people is that by making yourself eligible, when someone worthwhile does find you, he will want to make the effort to build something with you.
