AnonJane - Hope you don't mind me pointing out a few things in your posts:
- you say you were in an abusive R BEFORE H, but also that H called you names and put you down. Seems to me like you are still seeking out abusive (familiar?) R's. Regardless of how H felt about you or your step-parenting skills, his behavior towards you was completely inappropriate. You may want to get some individual counseling to figure out why you are drawn to this type of man.
- you mentioned that H's first wife got counseling and became a better person. Pardon my suspicious mind (I've been her a long time and read all KINDS of things) but do you think he might be leaning towards reconciling with the first wife?
- you mentioned several times that his life is all about his kids. That is a GOOD thing, IMHO - his kids are the innocent victims in all this mess, they SHOULD come first. I know it's a tough thing to handle- that's why step-parenting is so tough. It's okay to admit it if it's just not for you. (And that's all a separate issue from him treating you badly. A good man could love his kids, go to their soccer games, and include you in that life.)
- you said "I don't have any friends,". This is a BIG red flag! Why DOESN'T a 35 year old woman have any friends? Either H did the typical abuser thing of separating you from your friends and family - OR - you have personal issues you need to work on that are much bigger than H. No spouse should have the responsibility of providing ALL your friendship AND R needs.
I know I've thrown a lot at you, and please don't take it the wrong way. I just think you need to do a lot of thinking here.
