Can I ask you a question about your W? Do you think she is mentally ill, or on drugs or alcohol? Because her behavior is just a little too weird. Definitely not just nl WAS behavior (which i have seen a LOT of here). Her obsessing, her paranoia, her making things up (I mean, either you had D's hair cut or you didn't , that's a pretty black-or-white thing) - is this all new, or has it always been part of her personality (disorder)?
If she wasn't always this way, when did it start? If she was always this way, what triggered her decompensation?
I don't ask these things with an eye to you reconciling with her - that's up to you to decide when the time comes. But I worry about how she may work the system to deprive you of custody rights and property in the meantime, and think you are a bit naive about the process.
As a tactical move, I think it was a mistake to let D call her when you were out with another woman. In most cases this might have been okay, even a good thing - for the WAS to get a little jealous. But with a nutcase like your W, it will probably only fan the flames of her craziness, and cause her to act out more.
I would suggest, that when interacting with your W, ask yourself: "will this action get me closer to my goal?". That's a good screen to check your actions and words against. Being a doormat will not get you closer to your goal, but neither will getting her more worked up than she already is.
