And that is the beauty of it .. Wii.. If there is such a thing. We start the "bed of roses" about 4 years too late, eh ?.. and then expect them to react positively. Perhaps they do not deserve a bed of roses.. I think I do, eh ?
Detachment ? There are many good resources here for the defintion. What are YOU doing for YOU ? YOU are all you have and will have jsyk, h4h.
Again.. this is not about your soon to be exw.. or the other man.. It is about YOU !.. Bed of roses or no bed of roses..
Detach.. Take care of YOU.. find YOU.. Love yourself !.. and be kind to you. Take good care of who you have always been. OH.. and OM is the problem. if you have not detached.. and have your own self understanding and peace of mind. I think all of us went through that at one time or another.
She agreed to family counseling....for the kids? But, not marriage counseling..... Did you follow up with that family counseling? It might get her thinking about things more. She is really living two lives right now. The life she wanted/dreamed of with you and the kids, and the exciting life that she doesn't think she would ever get with you. Two lives.....painful, this limbo.....
Scheduling and finding the right counselor. I want that person to be Christian based and so far most of them are not part of my insurance. Money is definatly an issue for us right now.
Definatly two lives.
Had a good past couple of days and nights. Last night, had to pick up dinner and WW had to do some running around. Nothing suspicious. Had to take nephew to work as soon as the got home, then to video store for more movies. We all ate kind of ate late and then kids to bed. We let puppies out and they ran around like crazy. WW and I sat on sofa. Kind of tired, so not too much talking. Normal conversation. Started playing with the puppies. Holding them, letting them climb on us. We are laughing and talking to each other. I enjoy the puppies more than I let on because they make WW and the girls happy. We are next to each other, I am leaning on her, she is leaning on me. We don't normally do this much touching.
When we are awake.
Today, D11 had her 5th grade ceremony. WW and I did not realize that it would be held in the morning. When our son went through it, it was held at the endo of the day. WW tried to call her boss, but could not get off. I had to go in extra early to work to open the branch, so I could not go. Maybe later after the boss got in. D11 was upset. WW and I felt very bad. She took the D's to school herself and called me afterwards. She felt bad and I told her the same. We would try to make lunch plans with her. She called me back to tell me lunch was out as well. I found out that I could go a little late. Called WW to tell her. She told me great, and to please go and buy her some flowers. I think WW started to cry. I go to flower shop and I am waited on my the nicest lady. We start to talk a little. Her kids. My kids. She adds extra stuff to my flowers. No charge. Sweet! Ok, gotta go.
D11 was SO happy to see me there. She was ear to ear. I was beaming. Watching her, I started to tear up. I remember holding her in my hands just yesterday. This miracle of life. MY first child. Crying as I write this now. I was sad for her too. I hate that they might have to go through this crap.
I texted WW how I was feeling. Not the bad part, the part of how proud I was for D11. How I remember her being born. That I bought her 3 roses. One white one to represent her and two red ones to represent us. I texted her that I would send her a couple of pics as well.
No response. I leave and make a quick stop to buy some dress shoes. WW calls me and tells me she is throwing me a bone. She is refering a client to me. Strange. She should have refered him to someone where she works. I talk to the guy and make an appointment for tomorrow morning.
I had a very busy day at work when I finally got back and had to leave again for monthly meeting.
I was not going to get a drink from nephews work today. Don't want any surprises today.
Limbo. Limbo.
I do not consider my wife a soon to be ex. Not yet. I will take care of myself. If I have to live this way a little longer for my kids, then so be it. I do it for them, too. Not just me. I am trying to make my own happiness. It is slow going for me.
While WW was cleaning the room we keep puppies, I was washing dishes last night and I could feel WW standing behind me. Looking at me. Like she wanted to say something. I gave a quick glance and she turned. I just played it off.
Could have been good, could have been bad.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Yes, our kids are our most incredible blessings and they make taking the pain worth it! You are a good loving dad and no matter how this turns out, you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and say "I did right by my kids". Keeping your self respect is priceless. Carry on!
Here's to all the BS's that put up with all kinds of cr*p and would do so for what seems like ever - all for the kids. We helped bring the jewels into the world and would probably do everything in our power for them. Let's hope it pays off in more ways than one!
Way to go H4H - and all other BS's out there.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
H4H, I think you are doing a great job. Every extra day with the kids is a blessing. You are going to go through this and as a winner - I am sure of that - You have such a strong will. You can see a strong man when it fight for what he believes. Too many times I have been ready to give up, but the people like you in this forum reminds me what is truly important in life. Be strong, be healthy, be a man, we are here for a good fight.
This is the one thing that I tell myself over and over.
"Another day that I take this sh** is another day that I have with my kids. Us together as a family."
We lose sight of that sometimes, I think. It's not just about me. It is about the promise I made my kids to go as long as I can to keep us together.
One way or another.
If along the way, I can restore and keep my relationship with WW, then great. It might lead us back down the road to reconciliation. I hope so. If it doesn't, then so be it.
I know that I am the best thing that has ever happened to my wife, aside from the kids. She is the best thing to ever happen to me, again, aside from my kids. That is just the way it is. Someday WW will realize this. Hopefully it will be before she has really killed us and I have moved on. I can let her go, if I have to. It is letting my kids go.
THAT is the problem. I REFUSE to be a part time dad. Not be there to wake them up. Make them breakfast. Brushing their hair while thay are yelling at me to stop pulling so hard. Watching WW brush their hair with no problem. Working on homework every night. Laying on me while they fall asleep in front of the tv. Getting on their case for not drying themselves after a bath and clothes sticking to them. Smelling hands after they told me they washed them and I don't believe them. Kissing boo boo's. Goodnight kisses and huggies. Catching them getting into the candy or cookies or chips when we told them no. D11's clothes on the bathroom floor after every shower. Ya'll know the list is endless.
I know I will still have these things if things don't work out. Just part time. That is why I have told WW that I will fight for them if she wants to leave.
And again, everyday I can take what WW gives, is another day with us together as a family.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I remember in the first few months after I found out about OW, I would get upset to the point of tears. I would see my kids and even ask them after I calmed down, do you really want me to keep fighting for us. Of course, we all wanted our family together except H. No he wasn't in the discussion. I just wanted the kids to know that I would do whatever I could to keep us a whole family.
Remember this was before I even got here...way before. Do I still want to keep my family whole? Yes. Have I? Not really, but I have done everything in my power to make sure that my kids know that I am not going anywhere, I love them with all of my being and I will continue to do so. I do remind them that Daddy does love them or gently nudge them trying to get them to call him to wish Daddy goodnight. H just pops in now and again. We have created a new family and sadly, H chose not to be in it. Perhaps one day.
Anyway the point is to build your bonds strong so that no matter what does happen, your children will never have a doubt where they fit in your life. It is clear that they mean the world to you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I can let her go, if I have to. It is letting my kids go.
THAT is the problem. I REFUSE to be a part time dad. Not be there to wake them up. Make them breakfast. Brushing their hair while thay are yelling at me to stop pulling so hard. Watching WW brush their hair with no problem. Working on homework every night. Laying on me while they fall asleep in front of the tv. Getting on their case for not drying themselves after a bath and clothes sticking to them. Smelling hands after they told me they washed them and I don't believe them. Kissing boo boo's. Goodnight kisses and huggies. Catching them getting into the candy or cookies or chips when we told them no. D11's clothes on the bathroom floor after every shower. Ya'll know the list is endless.
That alone tells me you're a great dad, H4H. I just believe God blesses stuff like that, even if we veer off the right tactical path here, or don't DB right there, or whatever.
