Yeah, if only we could get these two on this forum.........
But, I have a feeling that you two will eventually get through some hurtles, because you're recognizing the steps you have to take. Your problem is in her court, and getting her to take notice... that will happen by your physical actions toward her and time.
Me on the other hand, I have a long long long (& lonely) road ahead of me. I don't think I'm going to be so lucky. I've very doubtful that my H will take notice, or want to take change or action. I think he's going to take that anger built up inside of him and use it as fuel to stoke his fire. He'll preoccupy himself with his kids and move on. Sigh. Oh well...
