I am the WAW...

[EnergyAZ]

"When I bring up this fear, she behaves as if its just wishful thinking on my behalf."

That's a simple defense mechanism. You got to close to "her inner issue". She's reflecting, diversion tactic so she won't get hurt. It's a sort of response you would give when you want to convince someone of the contrary, but you really are trying to convince yourself.

I also gather that, and this is based that most woman who are natural talkers, she's gravitated to individuals that she's seeking as sounding boards, they are reverberating what she wants to hear. In that aspect, she's getting fed feedback based on only her perspective, and it supports her 'theory' of what should happen. Does that make sense? She's in full force defense mood to convince herself that change can never happen. So, you're only recourse is to physically prove it otherwise. When you call her on things, she'll get scared, and defensive.

Yes, that makes total sense to me. She has said more than once she wants to see changes in me, but she feels she wants so many changes; an overhaul...that she doesnt feel she has the right to ask me to do that.

Thing is, I wanted the changes too. Not only for her, but for myself, for my son.

I am so happy with how I have grown, like I said the whole thing is bittersweet. I am ready to move forward in life with new found confidence. A sense of inner calm I never had before without the aid of substance abuse.

But, while she is still in this house, I much prefer to salvage this relationship - because if anyone deserves to benefit from my changes - its her!

Has she done any self evaluating that you can tell? Books laying around? You won't want to push her into it, that's for sure. Believe me, that's fatal.

Oh she has...absolutely dived into her spiritual development with full gusto, and the improvements she has made for herself is nothing short of remarkable. I am so proud of her!