I am the WAW...

[EnergyAZ]

Am I happy, no. I'm not. I know that this was the choice that I made, and I must live by my choices, but it was the best choice at the given moment...

Well, I can understand that. And that is what I fear for my wife. When I bring up this fear, she behaves as if its just wishful thinking on my behalf. :-(

Have you ever told your wife... She was a horrible mother? A horrible person? a horrible wife? I have heard all those things, and as miserable as I am, it still cuts too deep for me to have reconsidered my decision. I made the best decision I could under the circumstances.

I have said all of the above. Not so much the bad mother thing, but I have said everything else. And I said much much more too. Extremely hurtful things, horrible names. Just a demon on earth at times. And she is such a sensitive girly-girl. I mean..wow. What an ignorant bastard I was.

Your wife needs time to heal. She's afraid too. I can relate to her. The best that you can do, is prove to her that you are a gentle sole and it sounds as though you are becoming that.

If she has not left, what do you suppose keeps her there?

Yes, she does admit being afraid to believe in me again and go through all her pain all over again. She made a promise to herself to not allow herself to continue in this cycle. The idea of giving me another shot is heartbreaking to her as she feels she would be betraying herself by doing so.

The thing is, the cycle is over. Its totally over. She can finally have everything she truly wanted from this relationship - all she has to do is take it.

But I cant blame her for being reluctant. But there is no question she can smell things are different. It sends her head spinning at times and she tends to withdraw. A little upset, perhaps 'why is he doing this now? why did he let it get to this point before doing this?' coupled with an intense desire to honor her own personal commitment to herself to finally leave this all behind her.


The only reason she is still here are due to economic siuations. Once they change - she is gone. I am trying my best to make the most of this time in hopes I can win her heart again. Its been 6 months that this has been going on.

I am prepared for her departure. I am prepared because I feel like I can now look at myself in the mirror and say that I honestly did everything in my power to prevent it.

I can accept loosing. I cannot accept quitting.