There has been absolutely NO communication what so ever. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Normally, I'm the one that buckles and breaks the silence, and like a whimpering dog with my tail between my legs 'goes back' to him. And he pretty much reams me the same ole, 'It's my fault' routine every time, never takes any responsibility for anything. There's always some "but" too, diversion tactic. How selfish of me, how immature I am, blah blah blah. However this time, I am to tired.
He may be waiting for this. For myself, it was when my wife acted diffently than she did in the past that really helped me wake up. She has expressed her unhappiness plenty of times before, and after my song and dance would 'cave in' and give it another shot.
Well this time it wasnt happening. Nope. Nada.
Thats when I started saying "whats going on?!?!?" clearly understood things WERE different and I was not only in jeopardy of losing her, but I HAD lost her entirely. I would go back in my mind trying to figure things out and nothing made sense.
But this site really helped change all that. I had tears of joy when I would read situation after situation that I could relate to. I knew this problem of ours really wasnt so unique after all. I knew other people had similar issues and reading about how they tried to address them (successes and failures) was very educational to me.
So I started trying some of the suggestions I would find here. And..well...they are effective, almost like to the script. Thats when my confidence and determination to win my wife back went through the roof. I knew I had the blueprint and I had the desire. I knew it could happen. I knew the 'impossible' was entirely possible.
People who speak with my wife think I am out of my mind. Think I need to stop being in denial and accept that its over and there is no shot at reconciliation and to move on with my life. But they dont know/see what I do.
1st thing is, your husband needs to understand what a 'Walk Away Spouse' is.
2nd thing is, he needs to take ownership and accept his role in creating the sitation and stop being a baby playing the role of a victim. I look back on my behavior when I acted totally victimized, totally innocent of things and convinced it was my wife who was just a super-mega-bitch and couldnt see what a great guy I was...
...embarrasing. Childish. I cant believe I was honestly buying the BS I was selling myself. I am smarter than that, right?
Wrong. I am a human being. And I am not perfect.
Its tough to look in the mirror and admit that you arent quite the man you tried to sell yourself as.
But in the same light, if there is any self respect and a desire to geniunely be the best human being you can be. It can get a lot easier. You learn to forgive yourself, love yourself.
Then you learn to forgive your wife, and the false image of that super-mega-bitch falls into the gutter and you see that shining and remarkable woman who makes your knees knock.
Me: 37 Wife: 40 Son: 7yo Son: 18 mo Bomb: 12/31/07 Status: Reconciled 1/2009 but backsliding terribly right now
