You've just made a good list of 'boundaries' in your last post!
If he decides to overstep those boundaries, then that is when you will have to show him that you mean business. That you will no longer have an open door to him if he cannot abide by the boundaries.
Noone is suggesting that you let him 'cake eat', especially if it is disturbing the peacefulness of your and your kids lives.
I believe all of us have had our fill of lies, deception and deviousness. I know I sure did. And it's especially hard when those are the things that we've always abhored in the past..and now our beloved spouses are doing it without thinking twice. Why that happens, I don't know. It's like it can't be MLC unless lies and deception is an up front symptom. Believe me, he's not thinking that you're not intelligent enough to see through the smokescreens..he knows better. He's trying to convince HIMSELF of his lies. If it makes himself feel better to think you might fall for some of them, all the better, heh?
As I said before, resentment is totally normal and no one could go through this without feeling tons of it towards the WAS. We just have to be careful that resentment is not the driving force behind major decisions.
Setting boundaries is to protect yourself and your family. It is not the same as filing for divorce, which would be a major decision. That is the type of major decision that I suggested you would want to put resentment aside for.
Remember, right now, it is all about you and the kids...not your H. He's living in his own little reality right now, and he will be the one that loses out, has been losing out. You can't fix him, you can't change him. All you can do is protect yourself and your family and live your lives as fully as you can regardless of how he lives his.
He may agree to the boundaries, and he may not. I think you're probably going to have a lot of resistance from him in the beginning, but if it's the only way that you and the kids can live more normal, peaceful lives, it will have to be the 'way it is'. My only concern is that he is allowed time with the kids, according to their schedules and their needs. Regardless of how they must feel towards their dad, they still love him...they may not like him at all right now...but they still do love him, and vice versa. The kids may want to sit down with you and discuss what they need from their dad, and what they don't need, and something can be worked out between all of you.
My kids were older when their dad walked out. I didn't have to deal with alot of what you're dealing with. But to say they despised their dad and what he was doing would be an understatement. Now, 4 yrs later, they still don't have the respect they use to, they still remember the hurt, but they will make time for their dad on occasion. But the closeness of family is not there anymore. Ihope your H wakes up before the same happens to him. But that, again, is something only he can do anything about
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
