For the Guy with Kids and a WW4

[hopeful4her]

Scheduling and finding the right counselor. I want that person to be Christian based and so far most of them are not part of my insurance. Money is definatly an issue for us right now.

Definatly two lives.

Had a good past couple of days and nights. Last night, had to pick up dinner and WW had to do some running around. Nothing suspicious. Had to take nephew to work as soon as the got home, then to video store for more movies. We all ate kind of ate late and then kids to bed. We let puppies out and they ran around like crazy. WW and I sat on sofa. Kind of tired, so not too much talking. Normal conversation. Started playing with the puppies. Holding them, letting them climb on us. We are laughing and talking to each other. I enjoy the puppies more than I let on because they make WW and the girls happy. We are next to each other, I am leaning on her, she is leaning on me. We don't normally do this much touching.

When we are awake.

Today, D11 had her 5th grade ceremony. WW and I did not realize that it would be held in the morning. When our son went through it, it was held at the endo of the day. WW tried to call her boss, but could not get off. I had to go in extra early to work to open the branch, so I could not go. Maybe later after the boss got in. D11 was upset. WW and I felt very bad. She took the D's to school herself and called me afterwards. She felt bad and I told her the same. We would try to make lunch plans with her. She called me back to tell me lunch was out as well. I found out that I could go a little late. Called WW to tell her. She told me great, and to please go and buy her some flowers. I think WW started to cry. I go to flower shop and I am waited on my the nicest lady. We start to talk a little. Her kids. My kids. She adds extra stuff to my flowers. No charge. Sweet! Ok, gotta go.

D11 was SO happy to see me there. She was ear to ear. I was beaming. Watching her, I started to tear up. I remember holding her in my hands just yesterday. This miracle of life. MY first child. Crying as I write this now. I was sad for her too. I hate that they might have to go through this crap.

I texted WW how I was feeling. Not the bad part, the part of how proud I was for D11. How I remember her being born. That I bought her 3 roses. One white one to represent her and two red ones to represent us. I texted her that I would send her a couple of pics as well.

No response. I leave and make a quick stop to buy some dress shoes. WW calls me and tells me she is throwing me a bone. She is refering a client to me. Strange. She should have refered him to someone where she works. I talk to the guy and make an appointment for tomorrow morning.

I had a very busy day at work when I finally got back and had to leave again for monthly meeting.

I was not going to get a drink from nephews work today. Don't want any surprises today.

Limbo. Limbo.

I do not consider my wife a soon to be ex. Not yet. I will take care of myself. If I have to live this way a little longer for my kids, then so be it. I do it for them, too. Not just me. I am trying to make my own happiness. It is slow going for me.

While WW was cleaning the room we keep puppies, I was washing dishes last night and I could feel WW standing behind me. Looking at me. Like she wanted to say something. I gave a quick glance and she turned. I just played it off.

Could have been good, could have been bad.