#1. In the past, I might have said it seems weird to "just do it" without intimacy or connection. But these days, I am open to the "just do it" approach, as I'm willing to try anything.
I worry about it feeling "mechanical" or "forced". I don't know if I can (or should?) simulate feelings that I'm not experiencing (pleasure? interest?). I work hard on staying out of my head while we're being physical and trying to stay in the moment, but H still says he can sense my disinterest and that makes him pull back.
My husband has become quite hurt in this process, so I think that's harder for him to "just do it". After reading the book, and talking to my mom about it last night, I realized afterwards that my body was somewhat physically aroused (wet) so I went to find H, and ask if he'd like to try intercourse. His reaction was to pull away in fear, and to decide that he doesn't want to try this ever again (which subsequently sent me into my first ever panic attack). Needless to say, it was a traumatic evening.
#2. When masturbating, in order to help orgasm happen, I have sexual fantasies. In the past, this has been somewhat like me watching television -- I was an observer as a couple was having an intimate physical relationship/sex (petting, oral sex, intercourse). My therapist suggested that I put myself in the role of the woman, and I can do that, although it's not as pleasurable. In the fantasies, I'm still not sure what makes a "good" lover -- mostly it's that the two people are extremely interested in being close and are open to whatever happens.
#3. No. Actual intercourse has not increased. This is a source of disappointment for us, and I am actually planning on changing therapists again (the first one was great, but then she had to leave town, and the second one hasn't been as helpful). I intend to interview several therapists and ask about their methods (I think I need someone who helps me tap into my emotion) and their timeframe for progress. We've never been given a timeframe.
#4. Yes, and I think this is my motivation for taking more control of the situation. I think I really do "get it" -- but it is still easy for me to slip into my old ways of trying to ignore it. Perhaps that means I don't really "get it".
