Hi NA, I have never posted to you before but after reading this last thread all I can say is we lead very parallel lives. My H and I reconciled a year ago and he will be home a year tomorrow.
The distrust and frantic feeling you get when you think he is not being totally open with you is very natural and over time it fades.
I still get worried if H is late coming home from work and I don't think he is stuck in traffic...I automatically think OW. In the beginning I used to get moody toward him...I finally brought it up in MC and the MC told me that if I didn't express my feelings about my anxiety I could not be angry with H because he is not a mind reader.
When H came home I was so afraid to rock the boat. I did not want to be a doormat but I was afraid if we argued then he would bolt for the door. Over time this feeling has gone away completely. If we argue now it is productive and we get over it faster. I am very open with my feelings with H. The only difference is that I phrase things differently and present things with a different tone. (I can be very b!tchy toward him if I am upset!)
I think you should sit down with H and all the finances and ask him what his debt is so you can design a budget. Make the environment friendly and if he admits to gambling don't freak. Handle it with a cool head. He may not want to tell you something because he thinks he knows what your reaction would be. Now is the time to change that...do a 180 and be understanding. If you are angry then tell him. Just do it in a way that he understands you are still on his side.
My H and I get along really well now...we did before but now it is different...more mutual respect I think?? I also look at our R as a second chance to make things great. Many people on these boards would love to be in the position we are in...I consider myself very lucky to have a chance at my M.
Piecing is not easy at all...there are days that I wonder why I do it! The hardest part is having the patience to regain trust and respect one day at a time.
