I am the WAW...

[EnergyAZ]

What I'm afraid of is we have nothing to keep us connected.

There are no children between us. So, while I sit here, he's just going to go on his merry little way, in this cloud of bitterness, resentment, denial and pass it on like it was me all along, and 'live for his kids', turn himself into a martyr.

My wife has expressed that very concern as well. But we have a child together, and thats not quite enough. It has to be connections between us, not proxy through our child.

She frequently says we dont have enough in common. And while I can agree that there are many differences between our personal interests, I am trying to value the diversity these differences bring to the table.

I can admit though, I was critical of many of the things she enjoys, therefore alienating her that much more.

But I feel we have the most important things in common; parental philosophy, spiritual beliefs, political beliefs, morals/values/ethics, and do share many common interests such as outdoor activities and health & fitness.

I feel so awful for crapping on the things she enjoyed in the past. I would remind myself about how I felt when I felt she was crapping on the things I enjoyed. Its not cool. The least one could do is humor the other (within reason, its OK to say you would like a change of subject)

But more than just humor her, I want to SHARE with her. I want to discover new things for the both of us to explore together. I want to learn to appreciate the things that interest her, because I only stand to become a more well rounded and diversified individual if I do. (and vice versa)

I am nowhere near as concerned about a lack of connection as she is because I feel its one of the easiest things to address if we ever get to the 'piecing' phase. I am so willing and able!





OK - so have you had any communication with your husband that might indicate he has any sense of remorse, confusion, or heartache over this situation? Because I was so similar, I cant help but to feel he does. Now will his ego allow himself to share those vunerable feelings with you? Thats the million dollar question. Unfortunately its up to him and him alone to desire change. And if he still geniunely feels he is not in the wrong for his behavior, he still has yet to try to climb this mountain.

Being a cop, I could only imagine his day to day job experiences leaves him little option but to 'harden' himself.

Hopefully he may one day (and soon for your sake) come to the realization he can be MUCH stronger if he works on himself rather than just throwing up a front. Overcoming one's ego is not an easy thing to do.