I'm a newcomer to this site, and just finished SSM yesterday. Since I haven't found many threads that address the LD perspective, I thought I'd create my own.
I'm a LD (or no D) wife. We've been married almost 8 years now, and literally have never had successful intercourse. After about 1.5 yrs (and counting) of sex therapy for both of us, some issues have been resolved: pain during sex, depression, poor sex education. But the fact remains that I'm not interested in deep intimacy with my H -- hugging and kissing is enjoyable, anything beyond that feels foreign and uncomfortable.
I should mention before I go on, that in other aspects of our relationship, I am very happy. As weird as it may sound, I feel as if I have married my soulmate. We finish each others sentences, we talk on the same wavelength, we share goals and dreams. I find him funny and endearing and nice to look at. I like to touch his skin and to cuddle in his arms. I am not afraid of him -- we are like best friends. But when it comes to intimacy, I find myself pulling back.
Of course I am desperate to figure out why I feel this way. I want to fix our problems. I want to know why I am not interested in intimacy. Am I not attracted to him? Am I asexual? Am I overworked? Am I too stressed? These thoughts cycle through my head. Most of the time, I feel like my thoughts are obscured by a cloud. I don't know what to do next. I don't have an internal compass. I will try anything that people suggest, but I can't seem to get going on my own.
Much of the time, my defense is to try and ignore our problems. I hate that this is the case, as I love my husband and don't want to hurt him by dragging my feet. I don't WANT to ignore that this is happening to us. I don't WANT to be apathetic. I want to fix this.
I just don't know how.
Does anyone out there have advice for how I should proceed? I want to save our marriage -- I'm not interested in leaving. I appreciate any advice, and feel that I'm willing to try anything.
