I am the WAW...

[EnergyAZ]

BTW:

"I know he's angry, but I don't understand why he's angry at me."


I too behaved as if there was some kind of conspiriacy against me. I feel I am a very good person, but also a prideful one. I realized I might not be perfect, but my own ego would not allow me to fully accept just how awful I could be at times and as result would seek to blame others for 'creating' this behavior in me, as if I was reacting totally normally for someone who felt his buttons were being pushed.

So I would (in my mind's eye) blame her and say its the way she communicates to me that results in my poor behavior. But I now understand only I can determine how I am going to react to any given situation. How I react to anything is my choice alone. Its no one elses 'fault' if I cannot handle hearing things I dont like/want to hear. No one's fault but my own.

So for me, it was an ego issue. A pride issue. A refusal to take ownership of my own issues because I had an inflated sense of self. My underlying insecurities would demand I create a false illusion of control and power. And for each attempt she had at trying to help me (cause I now understand thats what she was trying to do) I felt like she was trying to take control of how I felt/thought and to my ego: that was fighting words so I would react hostile

Reexamining myself and the way I can react to adversity was a very eye opening and extremely humbling experience.

But I am a far better man (and father) for having this experience.

I just hope I can get things back on track because I am convinced things can be so much more beautiful than they ever were. Its bittersweet to realize that you finally have started to arrive, to finally have that enlightenment, its very exciting! But in the same light, knowing it may be too late for my partner to believe in it, is very painful.