Hope4us struggle, part 4

[Hope4us]

I figured that would get a question.

I'm hopeful that she's coming around. I'm excited that it seems like this time is different and we may be progressing....

But, if we do make it this would all be such a waste. And here's where it may be confusing, but I almost wish we don't make it because then this wouldn't be such a waste. Make sense? It's like, if we make it the whole thing was for nothing. She could have told me issues she had in the marriage and we could have ended up at the same point without the affair happening. So if we end up divorced, at least the affair was worth something....

Ok, perverted logic I know, but it's kind of how I feel.....