I have to raise my hand here too. I contacted OW. I even sent nasty messages, embarassed her at her workplace, did all kinds of things... and told her H about her affair with my H (who was my X2B at that time)....
I personally don't regret any of it, but contacting them can have consequences, and if you do it, you have to be prepared for where it leads.
If you do contact OW expect H to be FURIOUS. My H was so angry that I got scared and replaced all the locks on the house!!! I think it feels good to contact OW and give her some grief. However, my husband had filed for D and was completely certain he wanted one (there was no wavering), so I felt I had nothing to lose making him angry.
Expect contacting OW to push your H further away. He will blame you for everything wrong, and feel he's completely justified in leaving the marriage (his family and friends who he tells this to will feel the same way. He will slant this to make you the "bad guy"). Negative experiences create negative memories (or seeing the past in a negative light). Also, the anger makes it easier for them to leave. Expect this type of reaction.
On the other hand, don't beat yourself up over this. Now is the time to take a break, try to stay away from him, avoid verbal contact, and give him time to cool down.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
