The Bumpy Road to Recovery

[Bagheera]

You're welcome to respond, Dance -- I don't mind at all.

I think that we'll simply have to agree to disagree on the basic premise, however.

I know of many women, my wife included, who have read hundreds, if not thousands of romance novels, in their lifetime, and who will continue to do so. We don't call this an "addiction," but it IS a pretty strong, life-long draw for many, many women.

I have also seen the consumption of romance novels cause many misconceptions with regard to sexual expectations in women. Many young women EXPECT sex to be like in their fantasy, fictional books: with men who are supposed to mind-reading, super performers, who can give them sky-rocketing orgasms with the slightest touch. It makes us mere mortal men look pretty dismal, and disappointing to those young women.

I did mention in my post that:

"The only time pornography is a problem is if it is taken to an extreme, as with almost anything. If it becomes addictive and (I should have said "or" here) the only way that someone can become aroused, then it's time for some counseling."

So I do agree with you that it can cause problems of addition and other sexual problems. But the occasional viewing of pornography, like the occasional glass of wine, is not a cause for major concern, IN MY VIEW (as I said in the beginning of that post).

There is also, of course, the issue of sexual exploitation of the (usually) young women involved. Romance novels don't involve real people: pornography does. I do not, repeat, DO NOT support or agree with the sexual exploitation of women, period. I'm sure there are some who think ALL pornography would fall into this category, but I disagree. If the act occurs between consenting, mature, over 21 adults, then that is their choice. Does pornography objectify women? Yes. Does pornography objectify men? Yes. Everyone is reduced to a pure sex object without personality, beyond what story-line happens to be injected. This isn't necessarily wrong, as all of us at one time or another has looked at another person as a sex object, both men and women.

I do apologize if the post offended you, DanceQueen. I knew it would be provocative. I know that pornography offends many women, and they don't like it when their husbands view it. My desire was to ask you to 'get outside of your own skin' and see the man's viewpoint somewhat.

I agree with you that erotica and romance novels are safer than pornography for both those who make it and view it. No arguments there.

BUT, my original point still remains: Men frequently view pornography to indulge a sexual fantasy and become sexually aroused. Women frequently read erotica (or romance novels) to indulge a sexual fantasy and become sexually aroused. So think twice before putting down your romance novel to yell at your husband for looking at some pornography.

That was my point, DanceQueen.