I also have to add that he now just consumes himself in his kids lives, and so everything is about his kids... therefore, I do not believe he will ever be willing to work on us. He'll just move on to his kids.
And no, I don't think he understands his role. He never has taken any responsibility for his actions, ever. I can count on one hand the number of apologies I've ever gotten from him too... three. All the while, I am the one that always has to put my foot forward, be the bigger better person, and basically take the blame. Not this time...
Will he ever 'wake up'? I seriously don't know, I'm doubtful. I have hope because I've seen it happen first hand. My father and mother were divorced when I was young. They remarried years later, but it was only because, like you, my father realized his part. Both my parents worked together, and now, they work in harmony together, and are very happy. They support each other, not drag them down.
My husband is very moody, sensitive, but you can't tell him that! LOL. I just try to leave him alone, but after you get barked at all the time, there's really nothing left but to bark back... and I do bite! But he's just so content with being bitter and mad, then when he wants something, turn around and talk to me in a sweet voice, like nothing is wrong. He's often snapped at me in front of the kids, then turn and talk to them so sweetly, then snap back at me, it makes me sick.
