I know it's almost impossible to get the "I'm being played" thoughts out of my head, but I HAVE to act "as if" the affair is over for good and we're going to make it which allows me to behave in a manner that is attractive to WW and allows her to see US as a worthy option point forward.
All the while guarding my feelings and hopes so I don't get too high in case there's another crash.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Last night was another pretty decent night. My friend Deb had sent me an email yesterday that her dad was in the hospital and said she wasn't sure what was wrong other than he could have had a heart attack or maybe something worse. So I had text messaged WW and let her know and she said maybe she would call Deb later this week to talk to her. That's good. Even though it's bad circumstances why, WW talking to a REAL friend can only help us.
So when I got home, DS16 says to me "mom is in a bad mood" so I thought, oh boy, here we go, but we started talking about Deb's dad and her day etc and everything was pretty decent. She didn't go anywhere yesterday other than to take DS16 to school and back. But WW told me she just wanted to sleep and read a book yesterday and she kept getting phone calls and text messages and in a funny voice said "I just wanted to sleep"!
So I went out to dinner with my boss who is in town for a meeting today and when I got home DS, WW and I had some great, fun conversations for an hour or more and then I went to bed. On my way past her I gave her shoulder a squeeze and she didn't pull back or anything so I think I'll keep doing that and gradually ramp up to hugs and such.
But the funny thing is, now that it seems like she's coming around I find myself getting more impatient every day. And my anger is coming back. I just want to scream at her "you F'd up, now lets fix this", but I know I can't. I guess now is when I need to be the most patient and not push things, but it's so hard because I can feel my hopes getting up and I know DS16's also and it's going to really suck if she pulls something or really has no intention of trying to make us work.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
But the funny thing is, now that it seems like she's coming around I find myself getting more impatient every day. And my anger is coming back. I just want to scream at her "you F'd up, now lets fix this", but I know I can't. I guess now is when I need to be the most patient and not push things, but it's so hard and it's going to really suck if she really has no intention of trying to make us work.
Describes my feelings exactly right now. I try to focus on the progress, not the frustrations. But it ain't easy, is it? At least it isn't for me.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
But the funny thing is, now that it seems like she's coming around I find myself getting more impatient every day. And my anger is coming back. I just want to scream at her "you F'd up, now lets fix this", but I know I can't. I guess now is when I need to be the most patient and not push things, but it's so hard because I can feel my hopes getting up and I know DS16's also and it's going to really suck if she pulls something or really has no intention of trying to make us work.
I remember that feeling very well, H4U. In fact, I STILL have those feelings sometimes, as my marriage is still very much sex-starved.
Ok, WW is being so different it's scaring me. She sent me a text message today that our sprinkler system had started up on it's own. That's the second time in the last 5 days it's happened. So I called her to talk about it and she was laughing and talkative and NOW I'M SCARED.
WTF? Can a wayward make this much progress in a couple weeks after they get through WD from the affair ending?
I'm cautiously hopeful. But like I mentioned above, while I'm excited, probably more than I should be, I'm really ANGRY now. If she is coming around, this has all been such a waste. I almost feel like I'd rather she not come around because that would mean this affair MEANT something and wasn't a total waste.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Ok, WW is being so different it's scaring me. She sent me a text message today that our sprinkler system had started up on it's own. That's the second time in the last 5 days it's happened. So I called her to talk about it and she was laughing and talkative and NOW I'M SCARED.
WTF? Can a wayward make this much progress in a couple weeks after they get through WD from the affair ending?
I'm cautiously hopeful. But like I mentioned above, while I'm excited, probably more than I should be, I'm really ANGRY now. If she is coming around, this has all been such a waste. I almost feel like I'd rather she not come around because that would mean this affair MEANT something and wasn't a total waste.
H4U,
Don't try to figure out her moods -- you'll drive yourself crazy. Yes, generally, "GOOD = BAD" and "BAD = GOOD", but that's BEFORE hard withdrawal begins to end.
And I don't understand your last couple of sentences??? Please explain.
I'm hopeful that she's coming around. I'm excited that it seems like this time is different and we may be progressing....
But, if we do make it this would all be such a waste. And here's where it may be confusing, but I almost wish we don't make it because then this wouldn't be such a waste. Make sense? It's like, if we make it the whole thing was for nothing. She could have told me issues she had in the marriage and we could have ended up at the same point without the affair happening. So if we end up divorced, at least the affair was worth something....
Ok, perverted logic I know, but it's kind of how I feel.....
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
OK, I get it. And actually, I understand that way of thinking. I've had it myself, altho it's been more centered around the six THOUSAND freaking dollars we jointly wasted in legal retainers, but yeah -- I understand what you mean.
Thanks Pup, I knew if anyone would understand, it would be you.
Another pretty decent night at home. WW was not quite as talkative as the previous days. She was reading another book that talks about a Dr's wife having an affair and how the affair "reawakened her passion". Make's me sick, but what 'cha gonna do?
Anyway, WW did something for ME last night. Might not seem like much to others here, but I thought it was another step forward. At 8:00 I got up to go upstairs and watch the NHL finals. I asked WW (who had control of the remote) to check and see what channel the game was on, so she flipped to the guide and found the channel and I got up to go and she turned the game on so I could watch it in the family room! And she sat right there with me. Now she was reading her book most of the time, but for her to turn the game on (she likes live hockey, but hates it on t.v.) for me to watch in the same room as her is another step forward.
But like I mentioned yesterday, now I'm finding my anger really begin to grow. I sat there watching the game and could just feel my blood pressure going up. I'd look at her and she seemed so content sitting there reading her book like everything is working out fine for her, she has an affair that "reawakens her passion", get's to remain in the marriage with her husband kissing her a**, kids still loving her even with what she's done and she doesn't have to do any work to help ME recover.....and I could have just screamed. I actually went to bed earlier than I needed to because I couldn't stand to be in the room with her any longer.
She'd better admit she F'd up and begin giving me some help soon or I just might blow and be the WAS. Is this normal? Now that it seems like we might be headed in the right direction, I'm the one that is having second thoughts?
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Anyway, WW did something for ME last night. Might not seem like much to others here, but I thought it was another step forward. At 8:00 I got up to go upstairs and watch the NHL finals. I asked WW (who had control of the remote) to check and see what channel the game was on, so she flipped to the guide and found the channel and I got up to go and she turned the game on so I could watch it in the family room! And she sat right there with me. Now she was reading her book most of the time, but for her to turn the game on (she likes live hockey, but hates it on t.v.) for me to watch in the same room as her is another step forward.
VERY nice. Ladies, men LOVE it when you do something like that!! It's like when my wife bought me a humidor and g/c for cigars for my birthday, even though she HATES cigars.
