Worse before Better?

[Sophie]

Thanks Creed...I was opening my worst thoughts to get some perspective on them.

If you're just sick and tired of his noncommital, hurtful way...and you're losing your patience, and think you sometimes will lose your mind if it goes on much longer..but you really don't feel 100% that divorce is what you want , or is needed, then you have to step back and not let your H emotions/ractions/choices have such a strong impact on you. He only controls your life when you let him. Otherwise he can't. Remember that.

This is where I am truthfully. I am just sick to death of being lied to, or fibbed, or half truths etc. It insults my intelligence and it is just another form of cheating.

How do I 'allow'/stand here/ let him come and go knowing he is dishonest with me, keeping secrets...and does nothing to contribute to the health and mental stability of me and the kids? I am fine if he stays away, but when he expects us to welcome him after who knows how long...and who know where he has been...how do I do that? After 2+ years of doing that, I do not feel good about myself to allow him to come and go as he pleases, and to treat us with NO concern...as if we have been waiting in anticipation for him to show up and jump to greet him with open arms? The kids and I are extremly leery and hesitant when he comes around just loiters here....until, he gets bored and goes somewhere else. How do I stop that?

How do I draw boundaries without resentment coming out? What boundaries are right? What boundaries stop the 'cake eatting'. I really don't know. What are healthy boundaries for my home, that are fair and not rigid?

I just don't want to be expected to put up with that kind of treatment in my own home from him or anybody else?