I'm sorry to know that you are probably right that I have to let her go. I know I want to make this work deep down, but I'm just not seeing that as a legitimate possibility right now. I don't know if there is much more I can do on my end. Now, our reconciliation is completely up to her and I'm not sure she'll ever stop being mad at me to look inward at her own fears and issues. I'm not too confident about things.
So, the focus is myself and my D as I prepare for a life post-divorce. I'm ok w/ it, but I know that D still wants us together. She still draws pictures of herself in the middle of W and I and we're holding her hands and swinging her. She also just drew a picture of W and I at our wedding, so I know us together is what she really wants. That will be a hard thing for her and I hope I can do the right thing to make it as easy as possible for my little angel.
Yes, it is a complete power play on the part of W, but it is also a bit of a panic mode. I think she sees her control over me and over D slipping and she is desperate to cling on to it. I have to be strong and eliminate her access to me. I know I need to go as dark as possible and it may mean this thing called us will officially end. However, it is the last resort and the only possible way we'll ever have a chance.
Thank you for adding your Sunshine to my dreary world, Maria.
