Well NTE - I can't say I am surprised. Yes, you have probably "killed" all the attraction you once had for your wife, and now even the thought of a kiss is discusting.
Where do you go from there?
And S&A....I wanted to follow up on something. I knew that my little thing about the little girl's imagined kiss would strike up something...please let me back up on and expand on that, ok?
It is not the hero she is fantasizing about, it is the KISS. It is the way it will make her FEEL that she fantasizes. And I mean feel with her BODY, not her emotions. Contrary to what seems obvious, the man in the fantasy can be any man. He does not have to be a hero. He is ONLY a hero because he is the man who is giving her that FEELING! Because he gave her that feeling, he is her hero.
A young woman's body doesn't get aroused in the same way a young man's does. She doesn't have a penis that will become erect at the mere glance of a naked body, or the mere thought of one. Instead, she has this place inside of her - it feels like it is in your tummy - and that place gets "stirred" by different things, thoughts, touches. After sufficient stirring goes on in the tummy, then that feeling gets transferred to her genitals. The most basic beginning stirring comes from the IMAGINED deep passionate kiss. When a young girl imagines this kiss, she feels the stir in her tummy, and if it continues long enough, eventually the stir awakens her genitals and she will begin to want to "hump" (her hips will want to move on their own accord). This is the beginning of her body figuring out how to have sex. The hero himself is irrelavant!
So when I was telling NTE about the kiss, I wanted him to realize (and any other men reading) that this kiss is the gateway to her raw sexual desire. The man is less important - in the young girl's fantasy. In fact, he can be a sweaty farm worker in a young girl's fantasy as easy as some hero. Yes, the movies do give us those hero images, but you must realize that the human body isn't that picky about heroism. The body wants the experience of sex. The emotions - as S&A is saying in his lovely post above - are something that adults figure out over time, and yes the emotions involved with sex are far superior to the physical feelings. But we start with the physical as children. And since this deep passionate kiss is nearly every woman's very first type of sexual fantasy, the one that stirs her body, it is this kiss that every man should learn to understand and master.
I will not argue with anything you've said S&A, regarding how we are all kind of duped into thinking we are "supposed" to follow a certain type of happy fairy tale ending. This is all true and very skewed. But the kiss....this is timeless, it has nothing to do with the fairy tale. The kiss in itself is a sexual experience to a young woman, even an imagined one. Hero or bad boy or boy next door or whoever he may be. The kiss stands alone, above and beyond the other person involved. The young woman's body knows that she wants to move toward that sexual experience and it will drive her there - through her imagination first.
NTE - back to you - please think over your feelings on this. It seems pretty dismal to me. I really don't understand why you would want to stick it out and remain married if you feel this way. I do not advocate divorce...I want you to be able to fix this. But without that passion....well, how could it be worth it? I know that after I got separated from my husband, even though he had never been a great lover OR kisser, I still WANTED to kiss him. I still wanted to be passionate with him and was willing to figure out how. In other words, if I hadn't felt even enough passion for one kiss with him, I would have thrown in the towel much sooner.
And one other thing...please reflect upon your own thougths about this type of deep passionate kiss with ANOTHER woman...and test yourself to see if you feel the desire to kiss ANYONE like that? I am saying this because there might be a mental block within you that is just trying to protect yourself by not allowing any intimacy into your mind.
Thanks for this lively discussion, guys. Not that it is a happy subject for NTE but - hopefully it is helping him think some things through.
