If that was in reference to the "guys" comment....I use it in the generic sense....
I know there are women here posting, too....did not mean to leave anyone out.
A little chill in the air this morning...she is at work and I am off today...good day to give her some space and keep myself busy, but she did call and ask me to run an errand or two.
Well, just wanted to share a little screw up I had last night...not sure how she may have looked at it.
Long story, short...will try anyway....stayed focused on the house yesterday while she was at work...ran some errands for her and I, both...talked to a contractor about work that needed to be done, work that she has wanted done for a long time now....picked up dinner, which she ended up getting ready and having on the table, while I finished talking to the contractor.
She asked me if I wanted a drink with dinner...we chatted about the day, the house and the work that we need to do. She talked about what she wanted and how she could not wait to "get these things done"....
I was waiting for a comment or question again about why I wanted to be a part of this if we were not to be together, but it never came. She seems happy to see some progress, even if some of it is just plans to get it done.....has she just accepted what I have been telling her? I will make sure everything is right and not fight you...it's your time frame and your decision when the time comes to separate.
Anyway....one thing leads to another and we had more drinks, played a table game, chatted, laughed and had a wonderful evening.
The conversation turned to men and women and looks and personalities and we talked about attraction....she talked about how I used to be this "big happy teddy bear" when we met and that is what attracted her to me.....and I looked at her and literally broke down into a sobbing crying mess, with no warning....stress, alcohol.....it only lasted a minute and I got myself under control.
She got up and came over to me, hugged me wiped my tears away and kissed me. I regained my composure, apologized and it was over. I tried not to dwell on it and we went about our game and continued chatting.
Her mood did not vary...we were still having fun, we ended up having a wonderful intimate crazy night and I am pretty sure I did not feel and change in attitude this morning.
Just wanted to share that...feeling a little stupid this morning.
My guess is that she interpreted that for just what it was.
A recognition on your part of who you were when the two of you fell in love, how far away from that you allowed yourself to get, and the bitter regret that you might have realized your mistake too late.
You showed vulnerability, not wussiness.
Her response was very telling. Hugged you, wiped away your tears, and kissed you. That level of intimacy blows the socks off of whatever intimacy you enjoyed later that night.
Honesty, openness....these things are NEVER bad.
You're doing great.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Wanted to share a comment from my wife last night, and have to wonder if this might be her way of trying to open up, just a little, which she has yet to do these last several weeks.
Sitting watching TV after a nice dinner out, we were talking and messing around with the dog(our 4yr old replacement child, since my daughter is 18+ and rarely hangs around with us)...
W was baby talking to him, telling him "I love you buddy"....I grabbed him and joked "I love you, too buddy, I just don't like you very much 'cause you are a pain in the neck".
She said "Don't feel bad, that's how Dad felt about me for many years"....(yes we say Mom & Dad to the dog).
She didn't say "feels about me", she said "felt", which I took as positive(he didn't like me for a long time, but now he does??).
I brushed it off and told her she was "crazy"...."Well, it's true, isn't it?"...She said.
We were laughing and being silly with the dog, so I just told her don't worry....I still "like" you and always have "liked" you...tried not to say "I love you", or make a big deal about it.
I really wasn't looking at it as an uplift. I know she always thought I didn't "like her"...she made comments about that all the time. That came from always being so critical of her...finding fault in everything she did.
Somehow it just felt good to hear her say SOMETHING in reference to the way she thought I felt, or made her feel, or treated her. You know, she never really voiced her disappointment in me, our marriage..nothing...not before...not since the talk.
Funny how I want her to sit down now and tell me every single thing I ever said or did wrong, and every time I ever made her unhappy so I can tell her I remember.
I know she remembers them all, by a little comment here and there the last several weeks...most jokingly...but it reminds me enough to keep me focused.
....and something else, off the subject a little. With the way things were between us, I think I thought the same way a lot of the time....probably the same way she felt, even though it was me that started our "vicious circle".....always thought she didn't really "like me"...didn't pay too much attention to what I said or how I felt.
This last couple of months while we have been having these almost daily flings....and swapping stories and chatting, I think we are both surprised by how much we remember about each other's past...likes and dislikes....old war stories, favorite things, etc.....and how well we actually "know" each other.
Somehow that sounds perfectly stupid, since we have been together for 20yrs...but it just reminds me how far apart I had let us get. How far away I had pushed her.
It's all still inside for both of us.....patience...patience...patience.....never my strong point, but I am learning.
"Like getting a wild squirrel to eat out of your hand".....no sudden moves....don't scare her.
With the way things were between us, I think I thought the same way a lot of the time....probably the same way she felt, even though it was me that started our "vicious circle".....always thought she didn't really "like me"...didn't pay too much attention to what I said or how I felt.
Isn't it crazy how we get into those vicious circles, feel hurt, hurt back? Isn't that sort of how most of us ended up here on the board in one form or another? The beauty of this whole DB method for me is that one person alone can stop that cycle. And you don't even have to be a saint, which is what I used to think it would take.
You just have to make a choice to do it. To not hurt back. To see the hurt inside your S instead of whatever wall they have up to hide it. To really love without expectation. That's really all you have to do.
I wonder why it seemed so impossible before? Pride? Power struggle? I really don't know.
Last edited by iamlost; 06/05/0806:55 PM.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
