H4H, you say you can't emotionally detach from W yet you want the M. The thing you MUST do is just what you're saying you can't do because that is the very thing that could save your M! I know it seems ludicrous, doesn't it! But, when you stop allowing your emotions to rule everything then you stop kneejerk reactions to her every move and/or word that comes out of her mouth. It's true, you start to make good thought out decisions about what 180's etc will make a dent. To detach doesn't mean to stop caring, it means to pull back and look at the bigger picture not just that miserable little microdot we focus on during these difficult times. Secondly, you must show that you are in control, not her. She needs to see a man who is strong, who will carry on with his life with or without her, that is actually attractive! I hope you are GALing and carrying on activities you enjoy because even if the M ends these things will carry you through. It's no lose to Get A Life! Lastly, don't give up on your best friend hopes, my point was just that unless she makes a big U turn and works on the M you won't be best friends again. As your W she can be your best friend, but as the woman who tore your heart out and betrayed you without remorse, she can never be a best friend again IMHO. Btw, my STBX and I share time with our kids 50-50, I have an apartment a few blocks from W's house and the girls stay with me one week and W the next, it's been fine so it can be done!So hang in there and as a friend once told me "just remember, no matter how bad it gets, it will always get better" and she went through a far worse divorce hell than I did. That thought got me through some very tough times and I discovered it really is true!
