You layed out some pretty rigid requirements you'd expect from your H, and have stated that if he doesn't meet them to your satisfaction, that you have no desire to be involved with him any further, especially if you feel they are noncommital.
Yes, you're resentful, and honestly, you have every right to feel that way. Now you have to decide if you can ever let that resentment go long enough to make some well thought out decisions. You can NOT, as I've said previously, make these decisions when you're carrying such strong resentment towards your H and what he's done.
I hear a lot of fear in your posts...and fear is the forebearer of anger. I hear lots of anger, along with the resentment. One of the reasons fo DBing is that we learn to become stronger while going through one of the most difficult times in a persons life. And as time goes on, the longer we survive, the easier it is to let that fear and resentment go...because basically it does nothing but eats us up inside.
No one can say how long a certain phase of a marriage will go on, especially MLC. If you need an expiration date to your Hs MLC, you will be sorely disappointed. If that is the only way you feel you can deal with it, then you'd probably feel better talking to a L and getting a divorce filed.
If you're just sick and tired of his noncommital, hurtful way...and you're losing your patience, and think you sometimes will lose your mind if it goes on much longer..but you really don't feel 100% that divorce is what you want , or is needed, then you have to step back and not let your H emotions/ractions/choices have such a strong impact on you. He only controls your life when you let him. Otherwise he can't. Remember that.
I know how it feels to distrust yourself in how well you judge someone. Are you really looking at them truthfully, or are you being misguided by their words and actions. I hated feeling like that, and found out the hard way that sometimes it's just better to put your trust in God than in anyone else..including yourself.
Don't be mad at yourself for being nice in the tm!!! Why should you feel that way for being open and honest about your interest??? You can't change yourself to try to change him!!! Don't ever think that is the answer. And if you were the opposite to him, would that have really made you feel better?
I'm sure you're kids are hurting pretty bad because of all of this. Its important that you show them a level headed and emotionally secure parent. Think how scarey it must be for them to see their dad acting this way towards them. Think how much they just want the 'old' dad back. Someway, you've got to try to explain that their dad is going through something that none of you can help him get through...that he has to figure out on his own. And while he's trying to deal with this problem, he will no doubt seem like a stranger at times. It's not that he doesn't love you all...it's that he doesn't love his life right now, and he doesn't know what to do about it.
Thats why I thought him resigning from that job was a good sign. I wish my H would have quit his crappy job, and gotten rid of all the hangers on that attached themselves to him. I still believe he pretty much 'morphed' into the type of people he was working with day in and day out.
Sophie, only you know if you want this marriage to have a chance, or if you've already decided it's not worth it to you. Only you know how long you can/will deal with his moods/emotions/reactions or non reactions.
I just wish I could help you see that all the anger (although understandable) is holding you back from better things in your future...H or not. And that it might be adversely affecting the kids in the long run. Never think for a moment that they don't pick up on your feelings, no matter how much we think we're hiding them. Find peace in your own life, and then decide if you're ready to make decisions regarding your marriage.
Protect yourself financially...that is wise to do now.
The other options/decisions you do not want to make in haste, and certainly not while feeling as much anger/resentment as you feel right now.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
