You are doing really well even though I think it's easy to get lost in the emotion... I think the more rational part of you knows this. You marriage will always have downs and hard times. That's normal. And the unknown will often *appear* better. That's why so many people throw away fine and normal for a tempting unknown (or something that currently appears and "feels" better). They just want so much they are willing to take a chance, even if expectations are unlikely to be met...
But maybe the mirage really will be better? Well, yes, maybe so... but then maybe the next mirage is even better. At what point is better good enough? Sometimes the best really is appreciating what we have in spite of the imperfections.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
